When I was a child
I didn't know sorrow
as I would play
and bask in the
summers light
and falls breeze
because all I knew
was happiness
and
in those days
the future didn't matter as it does now.
There were
no worries,
no dangers,
no struggles,
If only I knew then
what I go through now.
When I was a child,
I was alone
until he showed up
in this world,
someone for me to care for
because now only some
care for me.
He was a pest and still is,
but I still care for him,
and in those days
I suffered a back injury that wouldn't matter
until now,
I can't sit up straight from the floorboards
even if I tried
and
everything I ever did then,
spells nostalgia in my mind as I
look back at the strange timid creature
of a person that was me,
maybe it just seems strange
to think of myself that way,
but,
When I was a child
I was shy if approached because I didn't
know the meaning of decisive conversation.
I am still shy and at this I
find comfort and content.
When I was a child,
I was scared,
I couldn't help or trust most,
so I put myself before other people
instead of putting other people before myself.
So on that journey I lucked out
and
not once did I have to think
about the anger and remorse that
I carried within that I fight against now,
the sadness from within
that wants me to do what it is within its plan
for its dark design that is me,
and I find solace in my memories
so old
so pure
so clean,
the memories of when I was loved and now few care,
but in those few I find where I belong,
And grow a heartbeat that will last forever.
When I was a child,
If allowed to embrace hose around me,
their heartbeat is what I would search for
in that of woman rather than men,
where corruption seeks to dwell but cannot call home
as long as I was in it
and now I find myself tending to this habit
once more with the one I love most above all else,
it is safe to say at this, that I am humbled
to the hurt of others,
Hearts tell stories only I would care
to listen to anyways.... even my own.
When I was a child,
selfishness was my downfall.
I did nothing to care about others
and it felt shameful,
I like to pretend that I did, but the only ones that understood
were the older ones humbled to
what it is to hurt and regret their own demons,
and the pets I tended to,
I locked my mouth to the outside world,
that was the center of my selfish demeanor,
Because now she, my true mother, doesn't care to listen
despite my efforts.
When I was a child,
I suffered many loses...
friends,
places,
pets,
choices never made,
empty opportunities,
We never settled for too long,
I always knew what to expect
eventually and now I've accepted it.
I just can't leave the people I care about any longer.
When I was a child,
I wanted to be many things,
pursue various paths,
do what I wanted, no, what others wanted.
I am not a puppet, but was made one by their
questions and expectations.
I made many mistakes,
I have many regrets,
these are just a few stories from then
when I knew what happiness was until I started falling
in and out of it and IT started then,
these things I do.
I was a child,
I was many things,
I was innocent,
I am none of these things now,
but I still want to go back and stay at the same
time.
When I was a child,
the future told me its secrets that were in store for my life.

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1. Memories, For, When I Am. (Being edited 2024)
PoetryHi we're the Valkyrie System. These are a compilation of events, thoughts, thank yous, and emotions from early life and high school career. Everything is told through poems, unless its letters to someone I used to love. You can believe me, stand wit...