jadam oneshots :')

drifting apart

so how do we feel about more angst? :/

i dont like this second half feels weird idk 

Adam's at a loss. For words. For energy. For motivation. He doesn't know why. Some switch in his head flicked and now all he can do is lie awake for hours and stare at the ceiling. He never guessed that losing a friend could hurt so badly. And now it's all crashing down on him months after the last time they spoke.

And sure, he has new friends. Obviously, he loves those friends. But something about no longer having a best friend makes him feel so empty. So incomplete.

He wants James back. He wants to embrace him and tug him into his house to play Life is Strange. And for James to argue that Mario Maker is better. James has always been into action-based games. Adam more story. James would scoff and mock him.

"Oh, I'm Adam! I like cut-scenes!"

Adam would fake a pout and James would giggle. The pout wouldn't last long. James' laughs were contagious.

He wants to stay up talking to James on discord until 3 in the morning. They could talk about anything and everything. From light-hearted debates to heavy and emotional topics. The deep conversations only happened in the early hours of the morning. Neither of the pair are people to share their feelings. It took being loopy tired to confess any feelings of sorrow. They'd support each other in the moment then promptly forget.

"What happens in the 3 am discord chat, stays in the 3 am discord chat," James would say.

Adam wants James to tease him again. Tell him he's short and hog the Nintendo controller. Shout at him for burping or squeaking the chair. He wants to yell back his usual response, "I can't, it's a squeaky chair!!"

Now that they don't talk he isn't sure what to do with himself. James occupied 95% of his thoughts. They'd hang out any opportunity they'd get and when they couldn't they'd be texting each other memes that reminded them of each other.

Strangely, he wishes that they had an argument. Fell out over some huge hissy fit. Because maybe then he'd have anger to cover up this strange hole in his heart. But when you drift away from someone you can't blame them or yourself. Because nothing happened. Which makes Adam think he could just reach out again. Seeing James thriving though, makes him hesitate at the last second every time he tries.

James is the best he's ever been. He started working out, got a girlfriend, and his channel is growing at a rapid pace. He has dozens upon dozens of friends that he's enjoying every second with.

Adam wants to be the same. Happy and content. He wants to be able to shrug away the loss and be happy with what he has. All he has though is a lot less food in his stomach, zero emotion, and friends slowly pulling away from him.

He sighs and forces himself to sit up from the spot on the couch he's occupied for countless hours now.

Adam blinks slowly and glances around his room. Paper plates and cups litter the living room floor along with the cans from his 12 pack of beer he burnt through in an hour that morning. A sigh falls out of his mouth when his eyes reach Thurnis.

"Hey, bud," he mumbles.

Thurnis looks up at him with his round eyes and droopy mouth. He trots over to his owner and rests his head on Adam's knee.

Adam hesitantly reaches for his head and scratches behind his ears.

"What am I doing...?" He asks his confused canine friend. "I'm sabotaging my own fucking life over some... some friend."

Thurnis whimpers.

"He wasn't even that great. He was just a dude. Some guy. And I– I'm making a big deal over this?" Adam stops scratching Thurnis' head and sighs. "Who am I kidding... He's not just some guy. He's... or he was my best friend. But now he's not. And I'm wallowing like I got broken up with or some shit."