Kiss Through the Mask: Beeduo [REMASTERED]

Chapter 21: Delusional

{Sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense. I still have exams, so my brain is just all over the place. Hope you don't mind (´•̥ω•̥')}

{Ranboos POV}

Break up? He's definitely joking... Right? He can't be serious, this can't be... I looked on the message he sent, and just stared at it. I didn't know what to say, and I just responded with a dumbfounded what. And he never responded, that was his last message. The word break up, hurts. I never knew those words would ever sting in my heart, and it especially hurt when the love of your life says that to you.

I broke down, and cried to my hearts content. I wanted to oppose, to reject and decline, but I already knew the reason to it. But even still, I was still in disbelief, even tho, I knew very well that it was all Tubbo's father's fault, I convinced myself, that it was my fault. And I wasn't good enough for him.

I went inside my closet and sat there, sobbing. There were only 2 things in the world that would make me feel safe, Tubbo and the closet that I used to be trapped in when I was a kid.

I had cousins who lived with me, and they did not treat me well. They were older than me, but smaller, and as a kid I was tall for the average kid height. So I guess they were jealous of that and still wanted to make it clear that they were the dominant ones. So whenever our parents just leave us alone to 'play', they would beat me up, and drag me into the closet and locking it, so I wouldn't get out. At first, I cried of course, since I was scared, but doing that all over again in a few months, I became used to it. The closet was now a safe space where I could be with my thoughts, and no one disturbing me. And here I was now.

Sitting alone, in my cold closet, trying to calm myself from distress. Negative thoughts and insecurities came crashing through my head. The fear of being not good enough was looming over to me. Making me dig my fingers into my arms, making them bleed but felt no pain. Tears were still flowing out, almost never-ending. The visions of Tubbo leaving me and never coming back frightened me. I start to breathe heavily, never sure it'll become stable and just sat in silence as I panic and drown into my own thoughts.

{}

Where... Am I? A dream? I fell asleep? Sigh, here we go again. I scanned around the area on were I was secluded. I was in a small land, surrounded by black water. Everything was just dark. There was one piece of sunflower that was stilll standing in the small land I was in. The land was small, take a few steps away from the center and you'll go straight to the water. I went back into looking at the sunflower, that was seemingly familiar, it looked like one of those sunflowers that was in another dream, before I was dating Tubbo. Was it... The same place? Where are all the other sunflowers go? There used to be a never-ending field of it, and now it's just... Gone.

I sat in the ground, cross-legged, while the dead and dry grass was crunching when I sat down. I just stared at the dark void that was filling up the entire sky, and the calm black water in front of me. I see the something come out of the water, it was tall, same height as me to be honest. And that frightened me, I stood up immediately, taking a few steps backwards and jurist stared at the figure that was just standing in the middle of the black water. It was covered in black water, the water was a bit sticky apparently, so it just covered the entire thing. It was silence, just me and the thing looking at each other, but I couldn't see its eyes. And after a while of silence, it decided to talk.

"Does it hurt?"

Huh? Why does he sound exactly like me- and what it mean by 'does it hurt'?

"What do you mean? And who are you?"
"Oh... I'm you"
"What?"
"I'm you"
"No way- you can't be me"
"I am you, just the broken one"
"Broken one?"
"The one who wants to kill itself from the very beginning"
"What..."

He looked down, as I just stare at him, confused.

"This is you when you hate yourself"
"Hate myself..."
"The depressed version of you"

He was now looking at me, but I still can't see his eyes. So it was me, but when I hate myself...? I hate myself.  Yeah, that's me alright.

"Okay... Why have you come here?"
"I've always been here, you came to me"
"Huh? But I just slept-"
"I guess your mind wants to make you hate yourself more. You're honestly more depressed than me"
"Oh..."

He began to come near me, I was still a little sceptical about him, but it was just myself. He finally stepped foot into the small land we were secluded in, and crouched down to pick the sunflower up.

"But I guess the reason why were here is cause of Tubbo"
"Yeah I guess so..."
"Making us hate ourselves even more"
"Huh?-"
"He's the reason why we hate ourselves!"
"W-what? No!"
"He is!"
"No he isn't! He keeps us safe!"
"Were not safe because of him"

We went silent once more. Was he right? Was Tubbo the reason why I hate myself? Why I'm insecure? And why I'm not good enough? So was that the reason he broke up with me? Is it true...?

"Just face it, we would have never hated ourselves this much if it weren't for Tubbo"
"I guess..."
"So let's try to get over him, and start loving ourselves"
"Yeah... We should..."

I walked near him and he held out his hand to me.

"Shall we?"

I gulped and nodded. I took his hand, and he pulled me into the black water he was in, and I woke up. Out of breath and still in the closet. I got out and went to check out my phone and see what time it was. 2:24am. Not that early, but I mean I just woke up to that weird feverish dream, so I guess it's alright.

Get over him. Should I? Or am I being delusional of this... Am I gonna get over him? But how, he's my first love, it's not easy to get over him-

"He was never your first love, you were just desperate to let someone love you the way that you don't"

A voice. Must be the depressed me. He's... Not my first love? Okay... Let's get over him then...