Vulnerable

March 25, 2016 (Age: 15)

Dear Diary, 

Good morning. I really need to write in this journal more often. Once again, plenty of things happened since December. During the past four months, things are going well. The frame of the entire house is completed (walls and roof). Now, I was told that a large majority of the windows are in (and the front door). It makes me happy knowing that we are quite close to moving back. All we need is shingles (which I believe is getting done today) and the inside. 
Then we can move back.

I'm still trying to process things, to be honest. I don't understand how we weren't meant to be there, how we bought a cabin (which we now sold) and we all stayed there as a family THAT weekend. I don't understand it now but I guess I may understand that later in life. 

Like I said earlier, we sold the cabin. We sold the cabin so we can buy a house in the city. My dad is going to be living in the city. My mom, Chewy, my sister (until she graduates and moves out) and I will be living in our town and on the weekends we will visit my dad. 

Since the rumors and drama never stops, some friends came to us and asked if my mom and dad are splitting up because people assume if someone moves out, that automatically means they're getting divorced. That is not true. Dad is moving out for work. Mom and dad even made it clear that they were not breaking up (cause I was concerned about that).

Another thing that happened, not long ago has to deal with a guy in my grade, Garrett. So it started on Valentines day. He texted me through Instagram "Happy valentines day". I responded (just to be nice) "Thanks. Happy valentines day to you too". Then that weekend, I dropped a bench on my foot at dance so the Monday, after school, I went to the hospital to get it x-rayed because I was worried that it was fractured. When I got home around 5pm, he texted me asking when my x-ray was. Since I talked to him earlier that day at school about my foot, I told him that it was badly swollen and bruised. Not broken. Then after texting for probably 10 minutes, he asked if he could tell me something quite serious. 

My best friend, Samantha, said she went through a similar situation like this. Garrett texted her and said that he was depressed and has tried to commit suicide, more than once. Since he asked if he could talk about this subject, I knew what was coming but he didn't know that I knew. At first, since I don't like saying no, I told him if he wants to talk about this, I'll listen. If not? That's fine. He said he isn't going to force me to do something I don't want to do. Now, I have decided to be brave and say no. I told him that I'm sorry but if it was something serious, I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear it. I felt bad for saying that because he (probably three times) said how he would feel better if he talked about it. After he said he understood, things got awkward so I told him I had to go. 

Around two days later, he texted me, asking me how my day was going. Since I was so busy, I didn't reply. A few days later, he texted me a massive paragraph. To summarize what he said, he thanked me because I saved his life. He said he was about to commit suicide but he thought of me and stopped. Thankfully, when he sent that paragraph, I got my moms help to figure out what to say.

To me, the weird thing about this situation was that we are friends. We have sort of a rare or small conversation every now and then but I don't know if he is telling the truth or if this is all a lie just to get some sort of attention. I guess I'll never know.
When Jaclyn came home that night, I told her what happened. She told me that if they are suicidal, I shouldn't get involved. Her ex was that way. Hearing that from Jaclyn helped me. I'm just slightly scared that either he is going to text me that he is going to commit suicide or he is going to believe that I am leading him on. Which I don't want to do because I'm not looking for a relationship. I just don't want to hurt his feelings.

I have to go.
Talk to you soon (hopefully)

Sarah