Vulnerable

February 22, 2017 (Age: 16)

Dear Diary, 

I swear to god I am poison to everyone who I get really close to. I fucked everything up between Garrett and I.

So remember how in my previous entry I talked about if I was using Garrett as a "rebound" from Isaac? So after that, he texted me a day or two ago firstly saying he doesn't know how he feels about us anymore. Which I can understand because before he told me that he hasn't been texting me as often as he usually does. But then after he dropped a hard bomb on me. He explained how he thinks he got to know me "too good" and he thinks it would be best if we "went our own separate ways". When I first read that, I was shocked. I asked if we could still be friends, since we have common friends. After that, he said he was sorry and that this is a goodbye and that he hopes I find someone who truly makes me happy. He explained how when we talk, it hurts him... Then that followed with him saying that he thinks it would be best if we didn't stay friends.. I thought he wouldn't leave completely. But he did..

So at the moment, just like Isaac, Garrett is a stranger with my secrets. 

The thing that I have noticed is that he was the one waiting for me to be committed and he was the one giving me the impression that we may have potential. Or how I like to say it, Garrett was the one raising my hopes and "raising the bar", then suddenly he dropped the bar.  Shattering it and hurting me in the process.

I talked to Allie about this at dance. And I am personally loving Allie's response over everyone else's. She told me not to take this to heart and I just need to give Garrett a few months to think this all over and accept what has happened. And likely just move on  from me too. I wish I could apologize because I feel so guilty. But I can't. I need to give Garrett his space to let everything settle down.

I honestly feel like complete shit. I always manage to fuck up everything. Like I said, I'm simply poison to everyone who I get close with.

Sarah