Vulnerable

May 27, 2018 (Age: 17)

Dear Diary,

Grad was yesterday and holy shit, it was the best day I've had in a long time! Do I woke up at 8am, getting ready to go to my hair appointment at 9am. Once my hair appointment was done, I went to see Jaclyn in her hotel so she could do my makeup. Once my makeup was done, I went home to put on my grad dress because I had a photographer who was going to come take some photos at 11:30am. Once we finished the photos, I waited for Raya to come over because her and I were getting driven by my dad in his green expensive car. We were looking fine as hell going down the street and pulling up to where the ceremony is taking place. We had to do our grad class photo at 12:45. Once we did the photo, we waited until the ceremony started. 

After the ceremony, we went out and did the exit. Also when Aiden first saw me yesterday, I can tell that he was trying to stay cool about this all. When he saw me, he looked me up and down and then said something like "nice" or "you look good". I know that was kept quiet because when he was crushing on me, I know he told me about how stunning I look in my dress. When they called my name and I was walking the stage to get my diploma, I made sure to sneak a glance at him. Whether he noticed or not, I don't know. But I made sure to do it anyway. 
Once the ceremony was done, it was time for the banquet dinner. I shot a text to Aiden, asking about where he was as I was hoping we could take a quick picture together and I was curious as to where he was. He replied telling me that he ended up leaving almost immediately after the ceremony ended. I told him that it was okay.

Now comes to the after grad party. For the party, the grad class all got white t-shirts that say our school name and Grad 2018 on it. We all had people sign our shirts. I wore my shirt and had sharpies with me. Once we got to the meeting point (because we had buses take us to and from where the party was at. It wasn't a typical bush party), we needed to get our bracelets. I got mine and Jaclyns and we got on the bus and since we left on the last bus, we needed to wait until 11:00pm to leave. Me, Jaclyn, Raya, Emily, Isaac, his girlfriend and many others were on the bus and waiting to go. Raya leaned over to me and told me that she just saw Aiden. Immediately, I was baffled. Aiden is an introvert who doesn't party. Raya turns to me and asks if I talked to him and asked if he was going. I told her that I have never talked to him about this after grad party.  So then I started thinking that maybe he came out just because he knew I was going? I told myself that I was going to hopefully approach him tonight. When he got on the bus and sat down, I was talking to Jaclyn. At once point, I glanced up to the front of the bus to where Aiden was sitting and to my surprise, he was already watching me. I slightly panicked and turned away. On the bus, he definitely saw me but had to stay at the front because the back was full.

Once we got to the party, we made our way out to the place where we get our drinks. While I was in line to get a drink, Aiden caught the corner of my eye. I looked over at him and he gestured for me to walk over to him. I walked over to him and he held his arms open for me to hug him. I hugged him and he apologized to me about not being around for when I wanted that picture with him. I told him it was okay and we chatted for a bit. I then pulled out my sharpies and asked if he can sign my shirt. He signed in red and on the left sleeve of the shirt. 
His hug alone started my night of greatly! But little did I know, that it was only going to get better. So after I got my first drink, I chatted with a few people and I later ran back into Aiden. This time Aiden was with another guy. Aiden approached me and introduced me to a guy named Matt. He was really nice! Shortly after me and a couple friends that hung around me met Matt, Aiden wanted a team to go against him and Matt in a game of beer pong. Immediately, I raised my hand and said I'd do it. Emily came to be my partner. We started off good. Us girls were killing it! But then the boys caught up and we began to suck. At the beginning of the game, you need to throw the ball while you are staring into the other person's eyes. I got to look into Aiden's eyes. There would be times where the boys had to do trick shots so they would go to our side of the table, lift up their shirts, and use their chests as a back board. 

Oh, speaking of chests, I got to sign both Matt's and Aiden's chests since neither of them had the white shirts. Anyway, there was one point  where the boys threw the ball  in our direction and if us girls can't get it fast enough, the boys could go for it. The boys missed so both Aiden and I went for the ball. And we gently fought for it. Aiden let me get it though! Beer pong with the boys was really good, we basically called it quits then they left. Which was totally unfair, but whatever. 

Once we finished our game, we went to the dancefloor and to where the DJ was. I was going hard on the dance floor. Well, since this was an outdoor party, there was no dance floor. It was a tent with dirt on the ground and wooden picnic tables as tables and chairs. For singing, I was going all out too. They were playing good songs too! They had a shit ton of rave/dubstep music that I love. I was dancing on tables and I was jumping, singing, and grinding on my friends. So at this point in time, I was definitely feeling buzzed. 
I went to go talk to a guy named Riley and we sat down on a picnic bench. We were talking and I leaned my head on his shoulder. And he rested his head on my head. My clumsy self spilt my drink of him a few times and I apologized for it. 
So at this point, I don't fully remember what happened, all I know is that it happened. Riley and I went back and found a picnic bench. He laid down and I went and laid beside him. Lots of the time, Riley and I actually ended up holding hands. As we were laying down we were nagging each other not to fall asleep. We went around on this walk and we were drunk and stumbling around so we were using each other as support. 

Aiden saw Riley and I stumbling around and he approached my sister, Jaclyn (and they met for the first time) and he asked her if she is watching me. Aiden said that he was concerned and worried about me so he wasn't sure if he needed to watch over me too. He originally came to the party to watch over his younger sister. Jaclyn said that she's okay enough to look out for me.
But the fact that Aiden cared enough about me to keep and extra eyes on me, just to make sure I'm okay.

Later in the night, I met Aiden's other plus one, Jorden. He is really nice fellow too. I was drunk when I met and talked to him so I wish I could apologize to him. Oops. When we were talking to Jorden he was asking about what I am planning to do after school. I told him that I am planning to take a year off then go for a Bachelor of Arts degree with a major in English because I want to be an author. He asked what genre I like to write. I told him romance, primarily. He teased me and asked if I go on the fifty shades of grey level of romance. We laughed and I told him no. He was a nice and sweet guy! I can't help but wonder if Aiden has talked to them about me? And that is why they both talked to me at least once that night. 

When we were waiting to go back on the bus home, I said my goodbyes to my other friends who are staying and going on the last bus home. The bus arrived at the party around 3:30am to take us home. We all primarily took that bus home. When we were outside waiting for the bus, I needed the stability to stand so since Aiden was right beside me, I was leaning on him. I noticed that he was shivering and my drunk ass asked why he was shivering. To solve that problem, I hugged Aiden and didn't let go. He placed his arm around me. Despite being very drunk, I can recall there would be times when I would look up at him and give him "those" eyes. Those loving eyes only couples would give each other. 

Oh I forgot to mention that when Aiden first approached me at the beginning of the night, I noticed that when he was looking at me, his pupils were dilated. I did research and found out that they said peoples eyes can do that when they look at someone they love. And when I was standing in front of him, his eyes dilated. 

So once we could go on the bus, I had to let go of Aiden so he could get his sister on the bus. As soon as the warm bus air hit me, the alcohol really hit me. On the way back, I had to use the washroom really badly. Cause I was drunk and didn't go before we left the party, I walked to the front of the bus said me and another girl had to use the washroom, so they pulled over. Me and the other girl ran into the bush. 
As my drunk ass was running into the bush, I tripped twice and apparently everyone on the bus saw and laughed. 

Once we got back off the bus, Aiden was dealing with his sister so I didn't get a chance to see him after. After my ride took my home, my mom was still awake. Cause she wanted to make sure I made it home safely. I told her about everything that happened that night until 6:00am then I went to bed and woke up at 9:00am. So I am running off of 3 hours of sleep. But since Jaclyn made sure I drank lots of water, I had no hangover at all. Which was surprising cause that was the most I've ever drank in my life. And I thought I'd feel like death after. 

Grad was AMAZING! And maybe Aiden and I might just get closer again. 

Sarah