Vulnerable

April 7, 2018 (Age: 17)

Dear Diary,

Well, life has gone partially downhill since I have gotten home from Italy. I ended up catching a cold so I'm currently working on stopping that. Also, for the past week I have been going back to my old starving habits.
These past few days have been the worst. Yesterday for breakfast I had a small drinkable yogurt then starved myself all day then had something to eat at 7:30pm. Even then I had 2 pizza slices and some water.

Garrett knows about this and he told me that I shouldn't be doing this and that I should be going back to my other habit with my whey protein powder and eating healthy and doing my workouts. That night (aka two nights ago) I had a meltdown because I was scared and I didn't know what to do. I'm starting to get better because I had breakfast early this morning. But I had to force it down, but I ate. I've already lost probably 4-5 pounds starving myself already.

I have some other news about Garrett too. A little while ago we were texting and he was saying about how he likes me enough not to where he wants to start a relationship, but enough where he wants something more. So we talked and we might become something more than friends. We won't be full friends with benefits because we want to make sure we are both okay with whatever is happening. Boundaries and being set too. Garrett told me that he is at the point in his life where he wants to be experimental and he wants to make memories and live life. He knows that I tend to be a spontaneous person, so I assume that is why he likely chose to ask me this.

These past few days, I find myself thinking about this more and more. Should I say something? I don't know, maybe. I still sneak glances at Aiden in class too. He's talking to the friend group again but in science class I always look over at Aiden. I can't help it.

Hopefully life gets better,

Sarah