Dear Diary,
You know, I can't really tell if I've hit another low point. Actually, I take that back. I know I am right now.
It is a weird feeling when it is 9:30 at night, you're driving on a dirt road and you press down on the accelerator, your speed beginning to climb. Your car is shaking from a few potholes in the road.
At this moment, the concept of death occurs to me. What if I die right this instant? What if my car loses control and I hit the ditch tumbling? What if a deer runs out at me? Concepts and scenarios like that hit me as I am speeding more on the road faster and faster.
Then it hit me. The concept of death does not scare me. If I lost control of my car and rolled it, or if a deer or moose jumped out in from of me, I would be okay with facing or greeting death. I would be okay dying. Right now.
Life seems to be pretty awful anyway. Aiden is talking to me again but doesn't talk often. And I know its highly unlikely that we're going to get back together. I've also been texting Isaac too. And I've done things that I know that I shouldn't be. Isaac and I (on Thursday) we had a heated conversation. Heated as in a bit of a steamy exchange. Since we stayed up late to text, we still had school in the morning. The next day, Isaac and I were helping with a hot dog fundraiser for our grad. He drove me down and that night (when we were texting) he told me that he would think about what we talking about. Then a couple days later, it happened again. He proceeded to tell me how hot and beautiful I look and told me that I am "just so amazing in every way".
The next day (or technically on the same day) I texted him and asked if everything he said was true and if he meant it. He said he didn't regret anything and that what he said is all true. Then he told me he thought of me differently.
I shouldn't be doing this; he has a girlfriend. But this side to me is saying I should continue with this chaos. But the common sense in me is like "What the fuck are you doing? He is taken and has a girlfriend. This is wrong and you know that".
Unfortunately my brain is stuck in the middle. If I should be doing this, it shouldn't be with Isaac. I hate myself to much right now.
Sarah
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Vulnerable
Kurgu OlmayanThis is the purest of evidence of a regular girl experiencing what life constantly throws at her. Here, you will read my personal diary entries from when I was a young nine year old girl to current day. I've been through a lot. The good, the bad, th...
