Dear Diary,
I was just scrolling through Instagram and Isaac posted a picture of him and his girlfriend with the caption "When you take a surprise picture with bae #sorrynotsorry"
Fucking hell, that should've been me. Not that bitch. Seeing that picture honestly just pushed me over the edge. I love Isaac as a friend but I hope he gets his heart broken by her. I fucking loved him. And he shattered my heart by flirting with another girl and breaking up with me and immediately going for someone else. I want that girl to cheat on him and leave him for someone else; so he knows what it is like. Cause it fucking hurts. Especially when it is your first relationship.
And since Garrett is now showing an interest in me, I don't know the "right" way to anything in a relationship because Isaac taught me that kissing before you're in a relationship with someone is okay. He taught me basically that being played is okay. He taught me that.
My mom tells me what I did was wrong and that I shouldn't let myself be played like that again. But that was my first "real" relationship was like. I don't know what the "right" way to be treated and the right way to be loved is like cause I've never experienced it. Don't get me wrong, after Isaac and I broke up, I learned and realized how to love. I learned that when you're in a relationship, you don't hesitate to kiss them, tell them what is on your mind, or tell them that you love them. Cause once you lose that chance, you can't get it back and you'll regret it. So now that Garrett is starting to show a different and a more "right" way to be appreciated, I don't fully know what to do because it is very different to how Isaac "loved" me. Since they are both so different, I hesitate because this isn't the "normal" way I was shown before. Other than being used, I don't know any other "normal" way of being loved because Isaac gave me that impression and that standard.
I just wish I listened to my mom when she said to me that she thinks Isaac is a player. I told her that it is not true but it was true. It was fucking true and I didn't know until it was too late.
Sarah
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Vulnerable
No FicciónThis is the purest of evidence of a regular girl experiencing what life constantly throws at her. Here, you will read my personal diary entries from when I was a young nine year old girl to current day. I've been through a lot. The good, the bad, th...
