Modern Lady in Ancient Dynasty

Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Dagmar's PoV

"Dagmar..."

That's her again. That voice of an old woman. Naririnig ko muli siya. She's here again. Kabisado ko na talaga ang boses niya. Mukhang nagpaparamdam na naman siya sa akin. Pero as usual, all I can see is pure darkness. It's pitch black. Hindi ko nga sigurado kung nakapikit ako dahil itim lang ang nakikita ko. Or maybe, what I'm seeing is pure black? Maybe my eyes were open, and I could see the darkness surrounding me.

"Dagmar... you're hurt."

Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya. She said I'm hurt. Am I? Oo nga pala, I thought I will not remember what just happened here. Pero malinaw pa rin sa akin ang nangyari. My chest is still heavy. Parang gusto ko ulit umiyak habang naaalala ko iyon.

"Dagmar... would you give up just because of what happened?"

Hinayaan ko muna mag sink in ang sinabi niya. Give up? Sumuko? Iyon ba ang ibig niyang sabihin?

"Dagmar, I told you before, didn't I? That love isn't always about happiness and its ecstasy. Love sometimes can also make you feel pain and hurt. Now that you're into that stage, now that you're experiencing that... susuko ka na ba, Dagmar? Susuko ka na ba sa nararamdaman mo?"

Malinaw kong narinig ang sinabi niya sa akin. I let those words she said to me sink in. Hanggang sa tinanong ko na din ang sarili ko. She did warn me. She did warn me about experiencing this feeling. This feeling about love. Naalala ko iyon. At... hindi ko naman akalain na ganito pala ang sakit na nararamdaman kasabay ng salitang love na iyon. I admit, it hurts so much. I want to make it go away. Hindi ko gusto ang nararamdaman kong ito. Hanggang sa muli kong tinanong ang aking sarili. Susuko na ba ako? Susuko ba agad ako? Lalo na alam kong nag uumpisa pa lang ito.

"Dagmar... love sometimes can give you hardships in life. This feeling makes you confused and all. But you cannot control this feeling, my dear. Would you give up? Susuko ka na ba, Dagmar?"

I asked myself once again. Susuko na nga ba ako? Susuko na ba ako dahil masakit? Dahil sa nakita ko? Pero... nag uumpisa pa lang. This is not yet the end for me. Susuko na ba ako dahil lang sa nakita ko silang dalawa? Am I going to give up?

"Remember, you're Dagmar. And giving up is not in your vocabulary. You're not here just to experience this hurt and pain. Seek for what your heart truly wishes. I know you can do it, my lady."

That is the last thing I've heard from her before everything becomes white, so full of light. Nasilaw ako dahil sa liwanag sa paligid ko. Seconds after, I can hear something. I can hear the rain. Maulan ba? I can hear how the rain drops to the ground. The ambiance is nice. The weather gives me chills but the warm blanket covering my whole body makes me very comfortable. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam.

"Hmm..." I mumbled when I felt something touching my right cheek. Parang may kung ano o sino ang humahaplos ng kanang pisngi ko. Marahan. Marahan na pag haplos sa kanan kong pisngi. Some warm thing is massaging my right cheeks. I don't know why but it feels comfortable. Naramdaman ko na nawala ang pag haplos na iyon ng gumalaw ako. Is it just my hallucination? Na may humahaplos na kamay sa kanang pisngi ko?

I'm still tired. I'm tired of opening my eyes and checking if someone's here. I can hear static sounds. But I'm too tired to open my eyes. Gusto ko munang magpahinga. Gusto kong matulog muna. Pakiramdam ko pagod na pagod ako. I can still feel the pain in every corner of my wounds. But my heart's scratch is still the same. Hindi ko naman akalain na sa pagtulog pala, nawawala ang pakiramdam na iyon. The heaviness in my chest. I hope I can sleep everyday so the pain goes away. Pero alam ko namang imposible iyon.