Just that Sinner

25

The day is long but finally, the time that Meagan is anxiously waiting for arrives, It's time for the verdict.
"Given the evidence shown today, we have come to the conclusion that there is no need for a second trial and the defendant is guilty beyond reasonable doubt." The judge announces.  Meagan and Amethyst let out a sigh of relief and hug as tears roll down their face.
Ryan was sentenced to  60 years without the possibility of parole, and although most people wanted him to get a life, Meagan is just happy he got something. Something to show that she did the right thing, something to prove that she wasn't lying. Even though the outcome is what she wanted, she still felt down. The drive home was silent and Amethyst could tell that something was bothering her.
"Is everything okay love? You seem a little quiet." Amethyst asks once inside their home.
"Yeah, I'm good, just tired that's all." Meagan lies and Amethyst knows it.
"We both know that's not the truth, what's up baby?" Amethyst asks again.
"I don't know, it just hurt so badly to see him again." She says, finally opening up.
"I know baby, I know," Amethyst says, going to wrap her arms around Meagan but is pushed away.
"Don't fucking touch me!" Meagan yells as she pushes Amethyst away.
"I don't want you to do that shit!" She continues.
"Okay baby, I'm sorry. It's okay." Amethyst gently replies.
Meagan rolls her eyes and storms off to the guest room, the room she stayed in when she first was brought to Amethyst's house.
Amethyst goes to follow but is stopped, "Just let me have some time alone okay?!" Meagan shouts taking Amethyst by surprise.
"Okay have all the space you need." She says and lets Meagan be alone.
The thing is, Meagan shouldn't be alone though, but here she is locked in her "old" bedroom that has been left untouched for a while.  She digs through the draws of clothes that no longer fit until her hands come across a blade and some pills. She contemplates the pills but not wanting to cause harm to her baby, settles on the blade. She's so used to pain being used as a punishment and a reliever that she doesn't even second guess using it to carve her skin. She wants so badly to forget what Ryan has done to her that she wonders if causing pain to herself would help. Amethyst starts to worry and knocks on the door but Meagan doesn't answer.
"Meg's baby, I'm unlocking the door," Amethyst tells her.
Meagan sees the door knob move and looks at her wrists then back at the door as it opens.
"Oh, baby," Amethyst says in barely a whisper.
Meagan drops the blade but doesn't move much, she only looks at her arms then back at Amethyst and mutters "I'm so sorry."
That breaks Amethyst's heart, she tries not to cry as she asks, "Can I hold you, baby?"
Meagan nods her head yes but then whispers, "I don't want to get blood on you though."
Amethyst goes and picks up the blade and flushes it then goes to hug Meagan.
"I don't care, baby, I just want to hold you." She tells her. Amethyst pulls Meagan close and sits on the bathroom floor while they just cry together, not saying a word.
The silence soon becomes overwhelming so Amethyst sings a gentle tune.
Not just any song though, their self-proclaimed song.
"Shall I stay?
Would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you?" She sings, making Meagan smile.
"Let's get you cleaned up baby." Amethyst then says. She helps her very pregnant girlfriend stand and helps her wash up and get bandages on.
As she does that she starts to sing again,
"Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand
Take my whole life, too
For I can't help falling in love with you"
She sings as she helps Meagan get a change of clothes before switching out her shirt as well. Tossing the blood-stained clothes in the trash to avoid triggering her in the future.
"It's been a busy day, let's get something to eat then rest," Amethyst tells her.
Meagan nods her head in agreement but still doesn't say anything, she stays silent through dinner until they are both laying in bed together.
"I'm sorry." She tells Amethyst.
"Meagan my love, you don't need to be sorry." Amethyst replies.
"But I pushed you and then hurt myself," Meagan says.
"There is no reason to be sorry, I love you," Amethyst tells her.
"What does loving me has to do with any of it?" She asks.
"Well, you see, when someone truly loves another person they work on understanding that person's triggers. They don't hold their trauma responses against them but instead love them through it. They would rather deal with the consequences than leave them alone to suffer in silence." Amethyst says, spooning Meagan.
"Has no one ever truly loved me before then?" She whispers in response. Amethyst holds Meagan's hand and gently rubs it with her thumb.
"I do, and I can't help falling in love with you." She tells her.
"So do we make love now?" Meagan asks.
"Not now my love, let's not use that as a way to distract yourself. Maybe in the morning, we will." Amethyst says.
"Okay, I actually like the sound of that better," Meagan admits.
Amethyst starts to sing again,
"Take my hand
Take my whole life, too
For I can't help falling in love with you
For I can't help falling in love with you"
Only stopping when she hears the soft snores of the girl she loves most, the girl she can't help but fall in love with. She wants to protect the girl from everything bad but sadly, it's too late for that. Now she has to protect the girl who is asleep in her arms, from herself. She has to protect Meagan from Meagan and it breaks her heart to think about it. "My poor baby." Amethyst whispers and silently cries as she holds on tightly to Meagan, never wanting to let her go.