Just that Sinner

40

Amethyst was awoken but the lack of warmth next to her sent her into a panic. She looks throughout the house but can't find Meagan, "Meagan, where are you?" She shouts but doesn't hear any reply.  "Meagan this isn't funny, please just tell me where you are!" She continues to shout, hot tears running down her face. "Baby, I need you." She still shouts but can't find Meagan. Her face is red, covered in tears, she can't even see straight due to how hard she is crying. Meagan is still in their house, and Amethyst just looking in the right place. Meagan feels so out of control, it scares her, she craves pain, to see the blood. In the storage closet, she stands up with blood dripping down her arms. It looks like a scene out of a horror movie when her hands grip a rope. Something leads Amethyst to the closet, she opens the door and it startles Meagan, making her look at her like a deer in the headlights. "Drop the rope." Amethyst says, walking closer to the broken girl in front of her. Meagan just shakes her head and tries to throw the rope over the clothing rack. Amethyst quickly grabs Meagan's arms and feels the damage done, "Baby, why do you keep doing this?" She asks, her voice cracking. "Something about the pain feels like home." Meagan cries, just staring at Amethyst, still holding the rope.  "Where are you happy at home? Did home ever protect you or love you? No, but I did! I still do, can't you see that? Why can't you fucking realize how much I love you and need you." Amethyst says firmly, making Meagan finally drop the rope. "I am so sorry, I just can't control myself anymore." Meagan says, her eyes lifeless and cold.That's when Amethyst dials 911, "Hello, 911, what's your emergency?" The operator asks on the other end of the line. "Ami, don't you fucking dare." Meagan tells her, but Amethyst doesn't listen. "My girlfriend is trying to commit suicide, please hurry." Amethyst begs the operator. The desperation in Amethyst's voice hits Meagan like a ton of bricks. She realizes just how much hurt she is causing the very person who saved her. She doesn't protest anymore, she lets Amethyst tell the operator all the information and sits beside her feet. "They are on their way baby, please just hold on a little longer." Amethyst begs the girl as she looks down at her. Meagan nods her head and wraps her arms around Amethyst's ankle like a little child to keep her from causing any more harm to herself. They stay there, frozen in place until the paramedics arrive and take Meagan away into the ambulance."Don't leave me, Ami." Meagan cries as they wheel her into the ambulance.  "Please can I come with her?" Amethyst begs but is ultimately told no. She has to follow in her car behind them and it breaks her even more. It's raining as they drive to the hospital, it's very fitting for the mood. Everything is a blur, it doesn't feel real until Amethyst is reunited with Meagan as she lies in the hospital bed. Amethyst rushes to her side, "My baby, my baby." Amethyst cries by her bedside. "You're so pretty." Amethyst tells her, wiping the hair out of her face. "I'm scared," Meagan says. "So am I." Amethyst says in agreement. They sit there, Meagan holding Amethyst's hand when she comes to a realization. "This hospital is where I gave birth to River." She says, breaking into tears. "You're right, it is." Amethyst replies, now crying even harder than before. "I don't want to die anymore, I can't do that to you. I promised River I would keep living for her." Meagan cries. "Then why did you try, why?" Amethyst asks. "I don't know, I was just so tired and lost. I kept having nightmares of Ryan and Father Albert." She answers, trying to piece everything together.  "Do you really want such evil men to have so much control over you? Don't give them what they want by submitting to them even now, don't kill yourself because of them. They aren't that important."  Amethyst tells her. Meagan smiles, "You're right, I wish I could think that way all the time." She tells her. "You know you can tell me when you're having thoughts about hurting yourself, right?" Amethyst asks. Meagan shakes her head, "No I actually didn't, I was too embarrassed to anyways." She replies.   "Meagan baby, please come to me next time you feel that way okay? I don't want you to have to be admitted to a mental hospital but, if this happens again I don't think I have a choice." Amethyst says. Meagan agrees, "Okay, let's try this getting better thing again." She says.
Amethyst sneaks and kisses her. They kissed quickly, gently, sweetly, lovingly, and innocently. She knew this time someone did love her and believed it as well. "I wish we could just start over and pretend like the past never happened," Meagan said when they stopped kissing. Amethyst showed off her huge beaming smile, "Hi I'm Amethyst." She says, shaking Meagan's hand. "Hi, I am Meagan," Meagan says, shaking her hand back hoping this time, she can finally be in control of her own thoughts and actions.