Just that Sinner

35

The funeral is over and Meagan and Amethyst are back alone in their home.
"That was weird," Meagan tells Amethyst.
"What was?" Amethyst asks.
"Seeing my mom, I don't know it all just seems surreal." She replies then says, "It was nice though, I just wish it was under better circumstances." Amethyst smiles, "Yeah I'm glad she's somewhat back in your life. Do you think she'll keep in contact?" She asks her.
"I gave her my number so we shall see," Meagan tells her.
Words are still hard for Meagan to find the energy to say, she just wants to sleep forever and never have to get up again. Her sleeping leaves Amethyst alone for far too long, leaving her mind to think dangerous thoughts.
"Why did my parents pick drugs over me?" Is something she thought about a lot as she got older and still to this day. She needed to find out for herself and when River died, she took it as her chance to find out.
You've been probably wondering who this "mystery man" is and well, he's Amethyst's dealer. He is an old man, not one she'd except to be a drug dealer but back when her parents were alive, Chris was their main man.
Sneaking away to get her fix, she fills guilty but only for a moment. The high is too great, she almost understands why her parents picked cocaine over her.
It's a sad sight to see, an almost sickly thin Amethyst alone in the corner of her dead daughter's room, getting high, snorting lines off a child's book that's on the floor.
"I'm so fucked in the head for this," Amethyst says but does the line anyways. Her pupils dilate and soon she's on the top of the world, her own little world. Pacing around the house and cleaning like crazy is how she spends her time until Meagan wakes up.
Meagan isn't stupid, she knows something is wrong but figures it's just Amethyst coping with the death of River. Her biggest fear is Amethyst has become anorexic, she never excepted what actually went on while she slept her days away. It's been three weeks of this and Meagan so desperately wants her Amethyst back but just doesn't have the energy to find out what's happening.
"Do you still love me?" Meagan asks out of the blue one night.
"Of course, I do, why do you say that?" Amethyst replies.
"You don't sleep in the same bed with me, you actually don't sleep at all. You are always on edge and act paranoid, not to mention you look like you are dying." Meagan tells her as she starts to cry.
"I'm not cheating on you, I'm not dying, I'm just going through something right now but I'll be okay I promise," Amethyst says.
Meagan hugs her and then mutters, "I just want the Amethyst that I know back."
At that moment Amethyst's heart breaks and she realizes the hurt she caused Meagan, "I quit, I don't need drugs anymore." She thinks to herself. Her worse fear became reality, she became her parents and hurt who she loves most. The thoughts cross her mind again,
"It's too late to change."
"'You might as well just keep using."
"Meagan deserves better than you anyways."
These are the thoughts that keep running through her head like they are at a race and she wonders if she truly is strong enough to fight this addiction.