The Start of the Fall

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

LJ'S POINT OF VIEW

I open my eyes and forcefully closed it again hoping that I'll fall asleep but to no avail. I still can't sleep or let's just say my body won't let me sleep. My unruly thoughts keeps hunting me even in my dream, making me afraid to sleep even for a bit. I'm trying my best to brush them off because I know it's not good for me, but I can't help it.

Wala nga ba talaga akong--- kaming kasalanan sa nangyari sa kanila Johnder, Jennie, at maging kay Alice? Inosente nga ba kami? Kung hindi ba kami nakialam ay kumpleto pa kaya kami hanggang ngayon? At higit sa lahat, ligtas na ba kami?

I want answers but all I keep on getting are more questions. They keep on piling up on me until I suffocate to death. Hindi rin nakakatulong itong mga nararamdaman kong emosiyon, imbes ay mas dumadagdag pa nga ito sa mga alalahanin ko.

I turn to my right and saw Roland sleeping at the edge of my bed. Hindi niya ako iniwan kahit ilang beses ko siyang ipinagtabuyan. I don't know why he's doing this but I really appreciate it.

Tinanggal ko ang dextrose ko bago dahan-dahang tumayo para hindi ko madisturbo ang pagtulog niya. This is the only time I can have peace and I think it is also the time for me to sort things out.

Walang ingay akong lumabas ng sick ward at tumungo sa pinakadulong pasilyo kung nasaan ang bintana. Doon ay tanaw ko ang madilim na langit maging ang buwan. I lost track of time as I stayed there, trying to feel the serenity of the scenery in front of me. Walang mga bituin pero sapat na ang liwanag ng buwan para pakalmahin ang aking kalooban. The night is so peaceful that it made me wish that the day is also the same.

"You're here," a voice from my back said. It's Roland. "Akala ko may nangyari ng masama sayo."

"Please Roland, let me be alone just this once," pakiusap ko sa kaniya.

"I can't," tipid ngunit pinal niyang saad.

Medyo nainis ako sa sinabi niya. "Why... why do you keep on doing this? Bakit ayaw mong sundin kahit ang pinakamaliit kong pakiusap? I just want to be alone kahit ngayon lang."

"Because I care. I care for you that much that leaving you alone is hard for me because I know that you'll just drown on your thoughts. Hindi kita kayang iwan mag-isa gayong nandito naman ako na pwede mong kausapin," he sincerely said. Humakbang siya papalapit sa'kin dahilan para sa unang pagkakataon ay mailang ako sa presensiya niya.

"K-Kahit na, hindi ko pa din maintindihan kung b-bakit mo 'to ginagawa. Why do you keep on protecting me when you already know that you might end up like Johnder? It just doesn't m-make any sense." Shit. Why am I stuttering?

"Kailangan bang lahat ng gagawin ko ay may dahilan? Is caring for you not valid enough for me to act like this?" Hinawakan niya ang dalawang balikat ko saka ako pinaharap sa kaniya. Nahigit ko ang hininga ko nang makitang sobrang lapit niya sa akin. "Ako ang makikiusap sayo, Lj. For the second time, try to open up to me. Leave not even an ounce of thought and I'll try my best to ease your worry." He looks surreal habang nasisinagan ng ilaw mula sa buwan.

Iniyuko ko ang ulo ko dahil naiilang ako sa side niyang ito. Parang hindi siya si Roland. He sounds too r-romantic? Why is he like this? He's confusing me!

"T-Then tell me honestly, am I really not responsible for our friends' death?

"I told you, you're not."