beyond the grid - max verstappen

chapter sixteen

*tw talks of eating disorders 

a week off was exactly what ben and I needed. whilst lando focused on simulator sessions and training before Miami, I wasn't needed as much at the factory, but remained on call and attending the necessary meetings.

I was excited to spend the next week alone with ben, navigating our way through this mess, I often referred to as a relationship. after selling my apartment in Camden and with lando living in surrey, it would be a long commute each day to the city. lewis had offered to let me stay in his London apartment. he never really had the chance to stay there anymore, and claimed that the place needed some life.

bella was meant to be flying out to London and staying with me, but I wasn't so sure as we hadn't spoken after our argument on the phone. I knew that I have some apologising to do but I also don't know if I am ready to talk to her, unsure if she was going to apologise too. this was the first time we haven't reconciled the day following the argument and I couldn't help but miss her.

"break down the plan for me. it'll be nice to get out in London again, it has been way too long" I placed the plate of eggs on avocado toast in front of ben. he had invited me over for breakfast, before spending the day together as he didn't have training. I crossed my legs taking the seat across the dining table from him.

"I thought that we could go could spend the morning here and some of the guys have invited us out to – why are you not eating anything?"

I shrugged wanting to brush it off. scanning through the fridge earlier I realised that ben didn't have anything that I could eat, everything containing dairy or animal products. I didn't want to be difficult so I settled on just making him breakfast. "I'll just eat later, im not that hungry"

"well the guys invited us to the pub for lunch, so you could just eat then. it will be nice for you to see them all again. it will be just like the old times"

my stomach dropped slightly, this wasn't what I had in mind for our week off, but I had to take the time that I could get.

we curled up on the lounge, scrolling through Netflix. my body stiffened, instantly regretting my decision to let him pick the film. he knew that I liked watching to the bone, but never looked deeper than that and when we were together his ignorance was something that I was somewhat grateful for.

"they really could've done a better job"

"how do you mean?" I tilted my head to look up at ben

"it's not that realistic. she doesn't even look unhealthy, just slim" he shrugged looking down at me. "I remember when you started to workout a lot your body looked quite similar. are you still training?"

"not as often, but I am still training" my stomach sank at his seemingly innocent comment. I hadn't been pushing myself as hard as I used to, but I did still think I was in good shape.

"that's good, you always looked so cute when you wore my clothes. they were so oversized on you" he turned his attention back to the tv

an old habit of mine kicked in. I wrapped my hand around my other wrist attempting to touch my pinkie and thumb together. the hunger pains in my stomach from skipping breakfast, were no longer noticeable. I knew his clothes wouldn't hang off of my body the way they used to.

"I might go for a run" i tore my eyes away from the screen. after an hour I couldn't bear to watch any longer, I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. he just nodded his head, not even turning to look at me as I put on my converse, ready to leave. "ill see you later?"

"yeah, ill message you the details for lunch" he got up from the lounge, pulling me into a tight embrace. all I could think about was pushing him off of me, not wanting anyone to touch me.