beyond the grid - max verstappen

chapter forty one (finished)

I couldn't even bring myself to look at the screen as he read through the now multitude of articles that were popping up all over Australian media and twitter, but focused on his reaction to what he was reading. but that's the thing there was no reaction. his face stayed completely neutral as he flicked between the different sites, his eyes moved only slightly as he scanned across the words on the screen.

my hand reaches up to touch the warmth that has spread across my cheeks. I don't even know when the tears started but my cheeks were now coated and I was sure his tshirt was wet now too. he didn't say anything as he put the phone back down on the bed. his hand guides me to look back up at him, instantly catching eye contact.

"there is so much more to you than what is written in these articles and there is so much more to you than you think" he says after a few moments bringing his hand to wipe the tears away from under my eyes. "you're the most selfless person that I know. I don't know anyone else that would be still motivated to work as hard as you do when you're feeling like this."

"that isn't true" I shake my head trying to look away from him

"ace" he mutters

before he can continue trying to make me feel the slightest bit better, I cut him off "there are so many people out there in the world that are going through worst things than I am and probably achieving the same if not more" the words fell out of my mouth so quickly it was almost rambling.

"that doesn't mean your troubles are any bit easier" he lets out a sigh

"I just feel stupid. Ive let everything come undone about something so small. I didn't want to talk to anyone because its embarrassing. this shouldn't affect me so much..." the emotions ran through me so quickly and I was left with the ones I had grown most familiar with over the years; sadness and disappointment.

"you have every right to feel how you are but that doesn't mean you need to let it control your life. the best way to combat all the negative things she has made you think about yourself is to prove them wrong. to her and most importantly to you" his hand wrapped around my own bringing it to my cheek. "we need to get you up and you need to do something productive to help yourself"

I let out a loud groan at his words "max I don't want to. can we not just stay in bed tonight and get started in the morning? im so tired"

"now" was all he said before flinging the duvet off of the two of us "its only seven so we still have time before you need to sleep and get a full night sleep"

he drags my reluctant body from the bed, throwing me easily over his shoulder like the last time he stayed over, but this time there was more clothing to cover my body. a small laugh left my lips in what felt like a lifetime. he took each step carefully, attempting to not jolt my body around too much, before placing me at the bottom of the stairs.

"pick the song" he shoves his phone quite literally in my face. the spotify app already opened to the search page.

"its way too late to be playing music over the speakers" I roll my eyes pushing the phone back in his direction.

"ace its still early and honestly what are they going to do. if they complain we will turn it off" he shoves it back towards me "just pick something"

not knowing what kind of music I wanted to play, I took a quick peek at the playlists saved to his phone. most of them were other people's playlists he had saved, only three of his own. scanning through them I noticed one playlist titled 'mixed emotions" filled with a bunch of songs that I could imagine myself dancing around the kitchen to if I had the energy for it. none of the songs in this playlist is really something I imagined max to listen to, but it did make me smile thinking about him singing along. you've got me by the greeting committee starting playing through the speaker as I handed his phone back.

his eyes scanned the room trying to figure out what his next step was "dishes?"

I just nodded my head, grabbing the last few dishes I had left around the living space placing them on the kitchen counter, as he began washing them. I didn't even want to look at how dirty any of them were in case they had actually started to grow their own ecosystems. by the time I had collected everything, he had placed all the clean ones on the opposite counter ready to be dried and put away.

his voice broke me from a kind of cleaning trance as I put the last plate away "I like it when you sing ace"

I immediately felt heat rush to my cheeks and I could just tell they were bright read. I hadn't even realised I was singing along to the music. I tried to hide my face feeling his eyes on me.

"no come on! I want the full performance now" I could've predicted it but his lips were turned up into a sort of smug look, holding out a wooden spoon as if it were a microphone. I rolled my eyes taking the spoon from his hand before I continued to belt out the words to another one bites the dust. just watching the way his face lit up at my performance my legs felt like they had a new burst of energy. my socked feet sliding across the kitchen floor as if it were a stage. I grabbed the broom that was sitting in the corridor throwing it in his direction.

"if im taking the lead you can at least back me up with the guitar" he shook his head laughing, only to give the best air guitar performance.

once the song had finished, we were both trying to catch our breaths back from laughing so hard. myself even more so, feeling as If I had just run another marathon. I place both my hands on the island counter, bending over slightly. my breathing became harder and faster as if I were having another panic attack, but I just couldn't catch it. my body flinches to his touch but relaxes slightly as he rubs my back.

"deep breath in... and out" he repeated this till my breaths became more regular and I let out another laugh

"im so sorry I didn't think I would be this out I breath" I tried to play off my annoyance with my unfit body.

"no. I shouldn't have pushed you to do it. im sorry" his eyes were filled with worry

"really its okay I should've known" I stood up straight and tried to laugh again but the air got caught in my throat, causing me to cough

without another word he lifted me onto the countertop, and handed me a glass of water "just relax and drink this okay?"

"max its fine. really im okay!" I insisted, attempting to push myself off the counter, but he held my hips, keeping me in place.

"just relax okay?" I nodded my head, knowing I wasn't going to get anywhere with this. he was way too stubborn.

he pulled two of the bowls we had just washed out of the drawer before making his way to the fridge. he shook his head slightly at the contents of it. before rummaging through the vegetable drawer.

"sorry ive kind of finished everything off. ive been meaning to do a shop" I sighed

"before or after canada?" by the way he looked at me, he already knew the answer. before. he let out a frustrated sigh at my lack of response. ditching the vegetable drawer, he pulled out the lone tub of coconut yoghurt from the fridge. I watched as he checked the date on it before decentring the remainder into two bowls.

"im really not that hungry, you just eat. I ate earlier"

"and when would you classify as earlier" the usual tricks I was able to play with ben, were not working

"before you got here" I shrugged

"very descriptive" he muttered pouring a little bit of muesli on top and adding the last few strawberries. he placed both bowls beside me on the counter and handed me a spoon. "you don't have to eat the whole thing but it will help you to sleep better tonight."