beyond the grid - max verstappen

chapter twenty six.

when I was three elodie was born and by the time I was seven I was caring for her full time. my mother did not see the purpose of a nanny for her as Patrick and I were 'more than capable' of taking care of her ourselves. she never taught me necessary life skills like cooking or cleaning, but I learnt resilience and independence in her absence.

I squeezed my eyes shut. the voice in my head attempting to scream but not raising an octave as my alarm went off. the weight of this past week tempting me to stay comfortably under my warm duvet. im not motivated for the day. not in the slightest. that doesn't mean I can allow myself the comforts of my bed when I am needed to work. this was my fault. the damaged relationships with my friends, the hunger pains that still seem to be lingering, and ben's soul draining presence.

the air seemed icy cold as I reluctantly pulled the duvet away from my legs. I rubbed my hands over my face, letting out a long groan. the day hadn't even started yet and I was ready for it to be over. I looked in the mirror of my ensuite and I didn't have a clue who was staring back. there was nobody behind my eyes. completely empty and I felt it.

I pulled over a vintage mclaren team shirt danny had bought for me, in order to get all the shirts, I had been stealing from him back. I left the buttons of the short-sleeved shirt undone revealing a plain white bralette. a groan left my lips as I noticed; not even a full face of makeup could cover the dark circles that were forming under my eyes. I quickly pulled on the first pair of white trousers I could find before making my way out of the apartment.

my mind completely blanked as I placed my beats on, blasting my music at full volume. it was loud enough that I'm sure anyone walking near me could hear it. the cigarette smoking filling my lungs almost instantly killed off the hunger pains I had been feeling earlier. I quickly put out the almost finished cigarette before I rounded the corner to the paddock entrance. not paying any attention to the press as I absently scanned my pass and made my way through the paddock.

finding a sunny spot outside the mclaren motorhome, I set an alarm on my phone and began working away at this week's content plan for lando, before editing and scheduling some posts on both lando's personal and racing account, as well as my own. it wasn't that hard of a job but it could be really tedious and time consuming.

working keeps me sane. some people say that they want to work to live not live to work. but that just isn't me. it isn't the way that I was raised. my life lack's purpose without it. I was a full time carer for both of my siblings before I could even use a pen in school, let alone get a job.

"why didn't you wait for me this morning?" lando stands over me blocking the warm sun and taking away my peace with it.

"I had to get some work done" I glanced down at my phone beside me "so I have exactly six minutes before you were meant to be here and I will have finished everything we need for the week"

"and you couldn't have done that at the apartment. you were gone before –" lando placed his hands on his hips before looking up to the sky. "you're skipping breakfast too" his usually giddy tone now clouded with concern.

"I didn't skip breakfast lan. I just didn't eat it in front of you." I continued to type away on my laptop desperate to beat the timer. "I'll take note to eat with you next time"

lando pinched the bridge of his nose attempting to arrange his thoughts. but before he could speak them a voice cut him off. "the cigarette I watched you smoke on the way here does not count as breakfast, ace."

I withheld the urge to roll my eyes at the approaching dutchmen "don't say much more or people will start to think you care"

he bent down beside be placing his hands on his knees, staring at me intently before speaking. "if you don't starve yourself to death soon, im sure cancer will get you in the end"

I let my mouth drop open as if I were shocked at his words. "I cant believe nobody told you. this job was actually my make a wish"

he scoffed at my words as he stood up turning to face lando. "I don't know why you put up with her attitude."

"you at least get the truth out of her" lando spoke with an empty laugh. I could feel lando's eyes burning into the top of my head, begging for contact as I finished up on my laptop. max was gone by the time I looked but the british driver had not given up.

"I try my best to give you that lan, but I don't want to disappoint or upset you" the words seem to get stuck in my throat. I knew I would never rely on max, so being honest with him wasn't hard, but lando was different. I could see myself leaning on him in times of need but how could I be certain he wouldn't just walk away. my own parents did.

"lewis said you were having lunch again with him today?" he lent down offering me a steady hand to get off of the ground. I nodded brushing off whatever dirt might be on my trousers as we began to walk towards to garage.

"how are you feeling about today? starting fifth. right behind max. that's something to be proud of right?" I nudged his side attempting to lighten the mood slightly.

"it's a good start and im feeling confident but that doesn't mean a lot can't change during the race"

"it doesn't have to change for the worst. I mean its Monaco there isn't a lot of places to overtake, so just pick them well and ill see you up on the –" my body froze at the front of the garage. a small brown paper bag sat on my car at the back. lando furrowed his brows together staring at my composure.

"have you been possessed or completely forgot you're allowed in there? you're technically even in uniform today" he pulled lightly at the hemp of my shirt. all the words I wished to say were stuck at the back of my throat, only letting out small stutters as I raised my hand to point in the direction of the chair. "yes acester you can go in. this is where you work" he laughed.

without even saying another word I walked straight to my seat, ignoring all the team as I walked through. I picked the small bag stamped with a Mercedes logo up, quickly unrolling the top to reveal a coconut yoghurt and cut fruit.

"when did this get here?" the frantic words left my mouth with no intended audience, just hoping that someone would know the answer "when did this get delivered?" I spoke again this time projecting my voice to be heard over the rest of the garage.

"acester why are you so stressed? someone from the mercedes hospitality dropped it off about half an hour ago. sorry I didn't know it needed to go in the fridge" danny grabbed a hold of my shoulder shaking me slightly. heat rose to my cheek realizing that I had caused such a scene, disrupting everyone from their work over some yoghurt and fruit. I let out a small laugh, pulling the aussie into a quick hug.

"sorry dan, I must have forgot I asked lewis for breakfast"

"you know we have our own food here right?" he grabbed the bag from my hands before pulling the contents out. "oh fair. we definitely don't have this here"

a small laugh left my lips at his expression, taking the yoghurt back from him "nothing diary or animal product free the last time I checked"

"I don't know why you still haven't said anything to zak" lando spoke joining us, before both drivers were called to their respective sides of the garage. there was nothing useful I could do now besides watch. I placed the paper bag into my handbag, making a mental note to throw that away later, having no appetite for breakfast.

getting completely lost in a twitter black hole I didn't realise how quick time had gone by until I was being pulled from my seat by bella. both drivers placed their arms around our waists waist, as we placed our heads closer together syncing our breathing. I always loved watching videos of our routine reappear one social media, even saving some to my phone. but today would be even better with the four of us together. danny placed a quick peck to the top of our heads before turning away with bella.

I placed lando' balaclava in his hands, grabbing his helmet from the bench behind as he put it on. once both were on properly, I double checked the strap and with my hands either side of his helmet I brought our foreheads together. this eye contact is something I would always remember if god forbid something were to ever go wrong.

"can you see that?" his brows furrowed slightly at my words.

"what are you talking about?"

with a quick peck to the top of his helmet I continued "well I can see you celebrating on top of that podium. now get in there and make it happen" we both laughed as I gave him a slight push towards his number four car.