beyond the grid - max verstappen

chapter twenty

"Honestly, it was the most romantic thing that someone has ever done for me, and I couldn't tell you what I did to deserve him. when I got back to our apartment from mk, it was all set up with a bunch of daisies and two gift boxes on the table. he planned the whole thing from my outfit, to dinner, to the whole ass holiday he has booked for us over summer break. it is like we have settled straight back into life together, talking about the future. I couldn't be happier with - "

"youre lying ace" the dutch voice unapologetically interrupted me gushing to olivia and Sophia about the night I had spent with ben, following our argument. we had been sat out by the pool soaking in the midday sun, in Barcelona. it was the perfect time for a catch up with the only girls I had with me on race weekends.

"im not" I bit back taking another sip from my long island.

I don't know why I felt I had to protect ben from people's perceptions, maybe my job, or the way my parents were, constantly saving face. but ben made no effort to fix things, just simply bought flowers and an outfit thinking that would resolve it all. he didn't even plan the dinner. I did.

"Your eyes are doing that thing, scanning everyone else's faces" he stood there with a blank look. I could feel the rage building up inside of me. he was right, but I didn't want him to be.

I grabbed my drink off the small table next to my sunbed. it was only when I started to walk away that the anger finally burst out. "you know what max, maybe you should focus on improving your own relationships. people might actually like you if you weren't such a cunt"

I wanted things with ben to be better by now. I wanted him to reply to my messages, but truth is we haven't really spoke since the race. even over dinner there wasn't much conversation, but I wasn't lying when I said we had settled back into life together. cause we had.

the only conversations we would share were arguments. he'd compliment my body, but at the same time I had never felt less beautiful. he didn't want me or desire me, he just wanted to be with someone. he was a selfish lover and that was something I could only admit to myself. ever since that night at his flat there has just been a nagging voice in the back of my head; a mix between ben and my mother. the skinnier I got, the more pleased I thought they'd be with me.

i lowered myself into the pool with a fresh drink in hand. max had left the two girls alone but I wasn't in any mood to talk to them anymore, so I found myself a spot on the opposite side of the pool. I swirled the glass in my hand running through the ingredients; 220 calories, 144 from the alcohol alone.

"you look like you could use some company" a small smile crept onto my lips recognising the voice from behind. I turned around taking a sip of my drink, supporting myself on the edge of the pool with my elbows.

"then grab a drink and come and join me"

"you know im not allowed to drink on race weekends"

I let out a deep sigh "fine join me and watch me enjoy my drink" he looked slightly torn but joined me anyway. "I've missed you pi, I just want to say how sorry I am again"

"you don't have to be sorry, that is what friends are for. besides when summer break comes around, you can be the one looking after me" his eyes squinted slightly as he laughed.

"better idea we find someone to look after the both of us" I took the last swig of my drink, placing the glass on the edge of the pool.

"you are on to something there" he pointed at me agreeing with my plan. I grabbed a hold of his wrist pulling him closer to me, but just as he was standing right in front of me, I used his wrist to spin him around. as soon as his back was towards me, I saw the opportunity and took it; I jumped right onto his back, wrapping my legs around his waist and arms around his neck.