beyond the grid - max verstappen

chapter twenty five.

sorry i haven't updated in so long life has just kinda got in the way but i'll try to update more. let me know your thoughts....

I roll on my stomach, and turn to face ben standing out on the balcony with his phone pressed against his ear. we made our way back to my flat, to get ready before going to dinner, but he had been out there on the phone to his manager since we got back. I wasn't even sure who he was talking to anymore, there was only so many things you could talk about with your manager. I couldn't relax as a bittersweet feeling swirled through my body, as much as I would love for him to be in bed with me, giving me all his attention, I was kind of glad to keep him at a distance.

I reached up to my bedside table grabbing my phone, ready to aimlessly scroll through my socials, when I noticed ben had posted on Instagram. his arm was draped over mason's shoulder and the other wrapped tightly around another girl's waist. I grimaced slightly scrolling through the next photos, each a behind the scenes angle, only one featuring me. the comments had blown up, some amazing by the experience, others creating dating speculations about myself and cartia. I heavy sigh leaves my lips as I exit the app and began dialling the one person that can take my mind off of things.

"hi what's up?" I rolled onto my back, placing the phone down onto my bed, close enough to my hear so I could still hear her voice as she spoke.

"I just wanted to check in to see if you how you were coming along with your portfolio? you know bella can always look over it for you before you have to submit"

"it's getting there. that would be really great if she could, but I don't want to be a burden"

"el, you're basically her sister. I think it would make her day if you asked, shows you value her advice. you know she feels quite bad for not being there for you" my chest felt heavy as the words left my mouth, the guilt making its way back.

"I don't blame either of you for leaving." she spoke softly, already knowing how I was feeling. "you don't usually call this often, is everything okay?"

"of course, I just wanted to check in on you."

"I know you don't like to talk to me about what is going on, and I know you can usually fix it by yourself but I am here for you. you know that right?" her voice became clearer over the line as if she was holding the phone to her ear now.

a soft smile plays on my lips as she continues to tell me all about the small things she had been up to with her friends since we had last spoke. it was warming to know that she was happy, making a life for herself. I was quickly pulled from my thoughts as the bed dipped beside me, my smile dropping as I noticed the frustrated look on ben's face.

"do we really have to go to dinner tonight? I've been invited to a club night." he spoke in a failed attempt at a whisper

"is that ben?"

"yeah. sorry el can I give you a call back soon" my voice dropping not wanting to say goodbye just yet.

"don't stress it. it was good to hear from you" her voice was knowing before the line went dead. when ben spoke, he needed full attention, not caring if the other person was already in the middle of a conversation.

"you told lando you would go and we have to leave in ten so its rude to cancel now." I placed my hands over my face hiding the frustrated expression.

"cant we just say that we have come down with something" I turned to face him but completely missing his eyes as they were focused on his phone as he texted away. "everyone is going to the club tonight"

"who?"

"everyone from today."

"so cartia?" I would like to say that I didn't ask out of jealousy but that's exactly what it was. pure jealousy. the big green-eyed monster had come and bit me fare in the ass.

"why do you say that?" he shook his head standing from the bed, making his way over to the small bag he had left in my room.

"why do I say that? you posted a photo with her, looking all close and couplely. have you not seen the comments? for someone who seems to want to rebuild this so called relationship that you keep talking about, isn't it weird to be posting like that with another girl? I jus-"

"you don't trust me. ive not done anything wrong and youre yelling at me because youre jealous. I cant be here to constantly reassure you. out of all people you should know how the media blows things out of proportion. so you could of at least talked to me about this before completely blowing up at me. I don't want to argue with you about this anymore, so I will go to the dinner" he spoke pulling up a clean pair of black trousers before he began buttoning his shirt. "youre not even ready"

we stood side by side In the mirror, him slightly further forward, I squeezed slightly behind trying to fit us both into the frame as we finished the last touches of getting ready. I used to love doing this.... I loved doing anything by his side. but looking in the mirror, realisation washed over me, we weren't side by side. I was just by his side. ever so slightly in his shadow. he was the centre and I was a second thought.



walking into the restaurant my arm wrapped around ben's, there were only two seats left. I had begged him all evening to hurry up and get ready, wanting to avoid this situation. looking between the two drivers either side of the free seats, I place my stuff down on the table, watching as the driver next to me looks up.

"ace" he smirks, knowing he was getting under my skin.

"hi" I forcefully smiled back. as he stood up to greet me, I couldn't help but notice the way his shirt clung to his body. there was just something different about seeing him in something other than teamwear. he wrapped his arms around me pulling me in for a tight hug before shaking hands with ben.

as I sat down in my seat, I found the young brit I had planned to sit next to, sitting right across from me. bella and daniel seemed to be caught up in their own conversation, the pair lent in close, leaving lando to hold his own in the staring contest we were now having.

"I thought you would've been sitting on this side lando" I spoke with my teeth gritted before kicking him under the table.

"I wanted to sit with daniel and bella. I thought it would be nice for ben to meet some of the other guys too" he shrugs turning his attention to the knife and fork sat on the table, not daring to make eye contact with me anymore.

ben watched closely as I pushed the pasta around my dish, eyeing each bite I brought to my mouth. he placed his hand on my thigh before leaning in towards my ear.

"you don't want to eat too much. you finished your salad too." I smiled softly, nodded placing my fork down and wiping my mouth with a napkin. he gave me a peck on the cheek before turning to finish his meal.

I desperately longed to change seats as lando continued to chat away with bella and daniel, leaving me with a very quiet ben to one side and an overly smug max to the other. I sunk deeper into my seat slowly sipping from my wine glass, nodding along as max spoke to charles on the other side of him. reluctantly I looked up from my glass glancing over the other drivers and their partners, instantly making eye contact with pierre.

"you good?" he mouthed not being close enough to actually speak to me.

I placed my hand on ben's knee "im just going to get some fresh air" I placed a quick peck on his cheek, before grabbing my bag and heading out of the restaurant. my fingers dragged along the cigarettes left in the deck, placing one between my lips. with one deep breath my body seemed to instantly relax. I crossed one arm over my body holding the cigarette away from my body as I let more smoke fall from my mouth.

"I couldn't breathe in there" pierre nodded standing next to me looking out onto the street.

"and this is helping you breathe better?" he laughed slightly

"maybe? well at least clearing my mind" I shrugged taking another long drag. I wasn't sure whether it was a need for a cigarette or to get away from the table that brought me out here but either way, here I was. "I heard pascale was here this weekend, how is she doing?"

"good, she was really excited to come out for the weekend before we go to baku. I haven't been able to see her a lot recently, so its nice to have her around for the weekend. she did say she wanted to see you at some point." he smiled softly talking about his mother.

"so you told your mum about me" I teased shoving his arm with mine. he let out a small laugh shaking his head at my words. "I would love to meet her"
I forced my smile not to faulter at the thought of meeting pascale. every one of the drivers had a strong support system, a family that stood behind them, supporting them. the happiness that I felt for them also ate away at me. longing for the same support that would never come from my own parents.

"there you are" his thick british accent once again pulling me away from my thoughts. he took the cigarette from my hands, dropping it on the ground and squishing it with his foot. "they're serving the desert"

"sorry I was just..." I turned to point to pierre but he was gone as if he wasn't really there in the first place. "sorry"

"I had to deal with your so-called friends asking all sorts of invasive questions about our relationship" he roughly grabbed a hold of my arm pulling me in closer to him "the least you could do is sit with me, after dragging me here in the first place. there are so many other things I could being do right now"

I winced as his gripped tighten around my arm. there was no way that wouldn't leave a mark.

"ben please. you don't know who is looking. I don't want this to be the next headline" I could barely hear my own voice as I spoke.

"that's what it always is with you now" his brows pulled together as his hand dropped to his side.

"what do you mean?"

"it is always about work, perception, the media. I don't understand, not everyone cares about you" my body shivered at his words

"you don't get it. they don't care but they write about it anyway. one slip here and you'll be chewed up and spat back out without hesitation."

"you're right I don't. I don't know what kind of life you think it is. it is all constantly saving face and you're so deep in it you don't even realise it" his eyes raked over my body with disgust as he spoke.

"and you didn't realise that?" I kept my voice steady holding back the tears that were threatening to fall.
"I just thought you would've still been you." he shook his head before turning and walking away from the restaurant. not daring to call out to him, my body didn't move an inch, watching as he turned down the nearest street.

one. three. two. four. my fingers repeated the pattern without a second thought, trying to settle my mind as I walked back through the restaurant. everyone was deep in conversation, their half-eaten dessert plates sat in front of them. only one pair of eyes were on me as I took my seat again.

max pushed a beautifully plated pavlova in front on me "he said you wouldn't want anything but I asked them to bring out whatever vegan option they had"