beyond the grid - max verstappen

chapter thirty four.

I was trying to breathe but I couldn't. something was stopping me from taking full breaths as if someone was clutching around my throat. but there was no one, the bathroom was completely empty. one minute everything was fine but now im hot and sweaty but shivering as if I were freezing cold. the tears continued to run down my cheeks but I couldn't even see them in the mirror. ribbons of red and yellow flow past my eyes, pink and orange assaulting my senses, overwhelming my mind with immeasurable amounts of unfiltered loudness. fear was overcoming me. usually, my mind was filled with order and reason, but now it was irrationality and chaos.my hand fly to my throat as if to remove someone's hands but I was grasping at nothing and there I was once again hunched over the bowl of the toilet, emptying the contents of my stomach.

the tears continue to roll down my cheeks, but after all the heaving over the toilet, my breaths have become more regular, there is no longer a weight on my chest or restrictive feeling around my throat and my vision has become clearer. using the support of my vanity I pull myself from the floor, needing to head down to the conference room my parents had rented for dinner. with shaky hands I wiped away the mascara under my eyes and exited the hotel suite bathroom.

lando strides over to me standing toe to toe. he hadn't said anything since we got back to the suite tonight, knowing there was nothing he could say that would make tonight any easier. he lifts his hand slowly whipping away the tears that were still lingering before offering me his arm with a small smile.

my heart was once again pounding in my chest as I walked into the conference room, arm still linked with landos. I use the other hand to smooth over the long black dress, I thought my mother would appreciate, not wanting there to be any wrinkles or imperfections for her to point out. my eyes set on the table in the middle, with seven people sat around it. I tried to hide my confusion at the two drivers who had agree to join the dinner with a smile. my father was sat at the head of the table with Patrick and my mother to one side and el and bella. I cringe internally noticing the seating plan we had come up with earlier had not played out and now the only seats available were between my mother and pierre or max and daniel. I took one last deep breath as everyone's heads turned to face us.

my mother pushed the chair out next to her "Rebecca I thought you would sit next to me. I thought we were due for a nice catch up"

just as I sit down a waiter rounds the table filling up everyone's glasses with a wine, I was sure my mother had sourced herself.

"don't feel like you can't drink in front of us. have a glass" my mother insisted to the drivers that scored the end of the table.

"we appreciate it mrs acester but we aren't allowed to drink on race weekends" pierre spoke up from beside me

"we wouldnt tell a soul" she continued to insist

"mother" I whispered harshly not wanting to make anyone any more uncomfortable than they already were.

"it's good to finally see you again, even if you weren't the one to invite us here" my mother slips straight into a conversation as if there was nobody else at the table.

"I hope you are all enjoying your time, it really is amazing seeing what they can all do on track" I tried to include the rest of the group in the conversation

my father swirls his wine around the glass "it is just a shame that you aren't working for someone competing for the championship, like max"

"it isn't always the most enjoyable workplace at redbull, it can be very stressful and intense. I would love ace to be my pr manager but she seems very happy in her position. she -" max placed his hand on lando shoulder as he replied to my father's harsh remark.