beyond the grid - max verstappen

chapter thirty three

I can lie and say that I have mature person. I can say that I don't hold grudges or resentment. that I can accept people's mistakes because theyre human and we all fuck up. but why bother lying, when the two people who I can never forgive are standing right in front of me?

my eyes scan over mclaren's hospitality, wanting some explanation for what is going on, but neither of my siblings could look me in the eyes. any sense of excitement to see el, dissipated from my body as soon as I entered the door. god it would feel good to let out everything that had been bubbling up since I was a child, but not here. attempting to ground myself, I listened for any other sounds. there was one loud laugh followed by two childish giggles and I knew exactly who was going to enter the room, even before the doors opened.

"mrs acester?" bella broke the laughter hesitantly approaching my mother, who was stood directly in front of me. they embrace in a quick but tight hug. lando and daniel stood either side of me but I was still yet to move a muscle as I watch bella greet my father and brother with a handshake before moving next to el.

"well lando, dan, this is my mother, father, Patrick and el. three of which I didn't know would be joining us this weekend." I cant even bring myself to fake a smile as the words fell out of my mouth. my mind can't even bring my body to move as the drivers greeted my family and soon it began tuning out the idle pleasantries they were exchanging.

"Rebecca" my mothers stern voice broke my trance "I was just suggesting that we take these two wonderful men out for dinner tonight. I thought it would be nice to ask some of the other drivers too. oh and if ben is around you may invite him too"

"im sure daniel and lando are far too busy. please don't pressure them, they have such a big weekend."

"well they have already agreed, so now you just have to ask the other drivers and ben" daniel and lando both offered an apologetic smile my way, but I was sure to be the one apologising after this dinner.

"ben won't be coming. but if you are organising this dinner, I will leave to ask whoever you would like, as I don't want to be distracting anyone else from their work" once the last monotone word fell from my lips, I turn on my heel leaving hospitality to get as far away as possible.

as soon as the fresh air of the paddock hit, my legs crumbled. I sat with my back against the hospitality building with my hands over my face and just focused on the sounds of the paddock around me, trying to name each one. all I wanted for theis weekend was to spend some quality time with el and bella, just as I was starting to feel better but once again everything was crumbling beneath my feet. my body flinched as a hand grasped onto my arm firmly pulling me around the corner, behind the building.

"whats wrong ace?" his gaze was intense as if trying to read my body language.

"you could at least apologise that fucking hurt" I rubbed my arm where his hand was just seconds ago.

"or you could thank me for not letting people film your breakdown" he bit back

"im not having a break down, cant –"

"then what is this? what's wrong?" he cut me off before I could even find a justification

"nothing, I'm fine" I bite the inside of my cheek trying to stop the tears from falling. attempting to maintain any strength I had left in me.

"youre obviously not" his tone wasn't harsh or soft, just blunt. blunt and unforgiving.

"do I ever get to be upset? do I ever get to be anyone but me without everyone acting like the whole world is falling apart?" I stare directly into his eyes waiting for a response. "no? of course not."