beyond the grid - max verstappen

chapter forty three

the sun burns through my bedroom, waking me up. I want to growl at my inability to close the curtains before going to bed but I can't even remember putting myself to bed. the small clock next to my bed reads six am.

before I exit my room, I change into a short linen set unbuttoned with a black bralette underneath. my hands scan my drawers pulling out the only open deck of cigarettes in the flat. my feet stop at the bottom of the stairs as my eyes land on max sprawled out on the lounge. stepping lightly on my feet, trying to not wake him, I plant myself on one of the balcony chairs in the sun.

the streets down below were busy, something I hadn't noticed since my hibernation. summer had really arrived and the tourists had flooded the city. it was nice to see from up here but it just seems so overwhelming to be down there in the heat. I couldn't imagine how it would feel as one of the drivers. every fan visiting the city trying to get a glimpse of one of them.

leaning forward I lean my elbows on my knees, placing a cigarette between my lips but with no luck finding a lighter, I had to resort to a box of matches. my eyes scan over max's body and I still can't shake the confusion about this whole situation. he should be relaxing before the race at Silverstone, maybe even in the uk preparing with the team but he was here at my flat. looking after me.

I woke up with a new found energy that I didn't really understand but with this energy came the craving to cheek my phone. to scour the internet for any new stories that my dearest mother had decided to share. another deep drag of my cigarette, my eyes completely zoned out. I could almost feel the cold kitchen tiles under my legs. sitting on the floor trying to pull myself together after el and Patrick had gone to bed. my mother passed out in her bed and my father nowhere to be seen. my body felt empty then but not now. bitterness? resentment? jealousy for all the things I missed out on? Im not sure but it really is an overwhelming feeling of something.

"I didn't know you still smoked" my eyes took a little bit to adjust to reality, but as I relax back into the chair, they focused in on max leaning against the door frame. although there wasn't a smile on his face, he still seemed so warm and inviting.

"I just feel more like myself today" I shrugged smothering the almost finished cigarette in the ash tray not far from my feet.

"im glad" he pulled up a chair, sitting across from me, facing himself toward the city. "what were you thinking about?"

I wasn't sure what to say "nothing really" but in a way it was. it was something I had to work through. something I always pushed to the back of my head but not something I ever dealt with. "I guess in a way I resent my family. I wish I had a childhood"

"you need to write a list ace" my eyes met his, there still wasn't a smile on his face

"a list?" my head tilted in confusion

"all the things that you wish you were able to do as a kid. you've got the money and freedom to do it now, so really there is nothing stopping you" he spoke if it were the most obvious thing in the world. I guess it kind of was. there really was nothing stopping me. "go on name something"

"painting" my brows pinched together as it left my mouth with out a second thought "yeah painting"

"okay ace. what would you like to paint? im sure there has to be somewhere to buy paint around here" he pulled out his phone waiting for me to answer but my mind went running with all the possibilities "what were you never able to paint as a kid?"

my eyes widened as I thought of something but instantly dropped

"go on what was the idea?"

"no we can't" i shook my head "ill think of something"