beyond the grid - max verstappen

chapter nineteen

I spent hours studying the course, memorising every bend, each incline, any off-road sections. I wanted my mind to go into autopilot, no thoughts just listening to my heart beat and breathing but when it came time to move to the starting line, I had a feeling that wouldn't be the case. bella reached out for my headphone, instantly realising something was off when I didn't hand them to her.

we still hadn't had a proper conversation since our argument, and I knew I would have to talk to her after the race. she had been talking with danny and lando all week arranging her travel out here to support me. she knew how much it meant to me for her to be here and I needed her to know it was appreciated. the tensions were definitely high between her and ben, both of them now resenting the other. danny seemed to be stuck in the middle of it all. I was bearly on speaking terms with bella and lando, both wanted nothing to do with ben and he wasn't too pleased about them being here either.

ben left the four of us standing at the side of the course, having to take an important work call. the awkward and tense silence still lingered and I couldn't wait to set off on my run, but I waited around as long as I could. waiting for ben to come and wish me luck. I knew that I would be starting at the back of the pack, having waited till the final call, but I just wanted to see him before I set off. but he wasn't there. he didn't make it.

without even a second thought from the young brit, the two drivers pulled me into a hug. our usual pre-race ritual but this time it would be them sitting on the side line hoping I would make it back safely. as soon as bella laid eyes on me she knew my condition was back and after the many conversations I had over the week at the mclaren factory, I knew she told them. I wanted to be mad at her, but I couldn't not after what I put her through last time. I reassured them I was fine, but I was really trying to convince myself.

the music blared through my headphones attempting to drown out the nagging thoughts of embarrassment and regret. my legs burned more than usual, my chest seemed a bit tighter, but by the time we reached kilometre twenty, my body became quite comfortable again. my mind was blocking out any pain as I continued to push it to its limits. I had made my way to the front of the pack, the race leader was in sight and I knew that in a few more kilometres I would be able to catch him.

by kilometre thirty it was just me and him. there seemed to be nobody else in sight. the pack tended to separate itself at this point, it was make or break. if you dropped back now there would be no way to catch up before the end of the race. I start to narrow the gap between us, he glances back at me distracting himself briefly from his stride causing him to slow down ever so slightly. this was one of my favourite parts; putting pressure on the person in front and making them crumble under it.

for a brief moment my mind wasn't replaying the last few weeks, each time I had snapped at the two people I called my best friends, the way ben and I both had slipped into our old ways, the way I continued to lie to myself and everyone around me about it and the way max just seemed to know. he had flown all of the drivers out to the uk as he needed to go to Milton Keynes with checo, and pierre, whilst danny, lando and I were headed to woking.

his eyes were constantly on me during the flight and each time the drivers had dragged me out to catch up. his hands lingered on my body, making sure I got my footing each time I stood up. he knew what was going on but knew not to push me before this weekend. each time he moved to help me, I snapped and he bit back, but that didn't stop him from lending me a hand.

the closer I got to the runner in front the more he began to look back and the slower his pace became. his eyes flicked between the marker and my approaching figure. my mind clocked the marker and my pace began to subconsciously increase. it was time to push, six kilometres to go. I pass him at the next bend. my mind finally focused on the race, pushing my body as much as I could, I began to make space between us.