➹ LEFT TO LOSE ➷ chishiya s.

➸ CHAPTER EIGHT

NOW PLAYING ...
Leaving Tonight • The Neighbourhood

! AUTHORS NOTE !
thank you for 1k reads! and i apologize for the inconsistent updates, i'm a student with a pretty busy life, but i still always try to make time to write for you. i appreciate you, enjoy!

! AUTHORS WARNING !
this is a new thing i want to add, as i introduced a content warning in my last chapter and it seemed like a lot more people needed things like that than i could've imagined. so, because i want everyone to be comfortable, i'll start doing this separate from my Authors Notes, for those who need to know important warnings, and if you don't then you can skip these. this chapter contains scratching and bleeding skin like the last one, but it's a lot less detailed and only is talked about for a few seconds. i'd say it's mentioned a lot "softer" this time, but i still wanted to give you guys a heads up.

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➸ "Why are you always eating those?" You strolled up beside Chishiya, whose sitting down with his back against the table. He looked up at you in slight surprise, like he didn't know what you were referring to as he puts another chip in his mouth. He followed carefully at your movements to sit so close to him, as if you both didn't just get done risking your lives and put your life in the hands of your untrustworthy group's voices.

"Ah, I see," He finally nodded his head, seemingly figured your change of behavior out. "You want me to tell you what your symbol is."

You tilt your head, "Why would I need to do that? The rest of the group told me already."

Chishiya's eyebrows furrowed, further extending his examination period on your character. He swallowed the last pieces of his snack, "And you trust their word? What if they lied to you, just like how they did to that girl last round."

You looked away at the judgement in the man's eyes, recalling what took place merely an hour ago. You heard your so-called "team leader" spit venom on the girl she was just laughing with moments before across the room, as if she never liked her. Though, you were too caught up in your own thoughts to speak up about it, and it didn't surprise you that Chishiya chose not to either.

You don't really remember much details of the previous rounds you've past by, as they feel like more than just an hour from rotting in this prison. But, what matters is that you still remember Chishiya, and you need to hold onto that and not mess it up for the world. "Well, if they did," You held your head high, even if it felt like it weighed a ton. "You would've told me afterwards what my real symbol was, so I'm not too worried."

He snickered, "How can you be so sure?"

You swung your feet off the floor back and forth, "Because I trust you, remember?"

"Hm," Was his only reaction to the response. Even though you've told him before, he still can never get used to the words and how reckless you are with its fragility. He looked away from you and down at the snack bag, reading its title over and over again to somewhat block out your sense of heavy gaze on him. He didn't like being in such intimate and progressive conversations with another being, it was something he learned to stay away from rather than yearn for it like his earlier days.

He dragged his head back to look at you in the eyes, still having that same look in the windows to your soul. Why did you have to look at him like that? It makes everything so much harder. It's harder for him to brush off, it's harder for him to look away from, it's harder for him to forget the older times you'd look at him like that. Chishiya can't deal with this, not again, not ever.

He closed his eyes and inhaled the thoughts wavering in his crowded mind. Fuck, he shut them tighter, this is gonna be harder than he thought.

"How can you trust me when you don't even remember me." Chishiya waited as long as he could before opening his eyes to be met with your distraught face, finally exhaling. It was more of a statement rather than a question, hoping that you wouldn't answer in the way you'd normally answer to his pessimism.

But then, you softened your features. "Yeah, I guess you're right," Your eyes slowly peeled away from his and at your hands in your lap. "For all I know, we could've really just been acquaintances back then, and I just wanted somebody to talk to about the struggles of my disorder, and you were kind enough not to disregard my feelings."

Before you knew it, you were clawing at your cuticles and healing skin again. The blood had just dried up from last round, making you swear to yourself not to touch it until it's fully healed. And yet here you are, doing the exact opposite. However, it was still a lot better than crying in front of this man, making him drop you from being his ally in troubled times because of how sensitive you are.

"I'm sorry for how clingy I've been," You pushed through your breaking voice, "I've been trying to hold onto something that could lead me to who I was before all of this, not accepting that you're just some random guy who was a little too nice to me at the wrong time. I don't want to push you away, or scare you— because I'm scared myself. But, not because of potentially dying in these 'games', but because I don't remember life before the Borderlands. I-I can't tell you how long i've been here, ha—"

Your voice hitched at the warm touch of Chishiya's hands cupped in your own, seeing one of your tears drop down on his skin. You looked up at him, bottom lip quivering slightly, but just enough to make his eyes flicker to it. "Oh, no, don't cry," He hushed his tone and moved one of his hands to wipe the straggling tears left underneath your eyelashes. "I always hated seeing you cry."

That facial expression Chishiya had on his face, the one he's been trying to mask ever since he saw you in this face card game, should feel new to you as you've never seen it before. But really, it felt the complete opposite... it felt familiar. It felt like you've been cold for a long time and suddenly getting a blanket dropped over your shoulders, and in an instant you weren't cold anymore... even though that's not
physically possible. You think that you've missed his face, but you don't recall ever seeing this side of him. How can you miss something you never had?

It was quiet, his contact with your hands made you stop thinking about scratching them. The way Chishiya held them was like shielding your fingers from your other hand, healing them within his firm grasp. You knew right then and there that he had noticed your nervous habits before, and he already knew how to help you. That's not something acquaintances do, you guys weren't just acquaintances.

The warm moment the two of you shared had came to an end when he slowly slipped away, standing up from the table. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, probably how he had his hands so warm in a cold place such as this one, now that you think about it.

You stared up at him, and his gaze sharpened a bit, almost like a defensive move. Chishiya cleared his throat, "Do you still trust me?"

You nodded instantly, making the corner of his mouth creep upwards for a split moment. "Then trust me when I say I'll tell you all about how you were like before this," He began to walk away from you in the cafeteria, stretching the volume of his voice to make sure you heard him. "But you have to survive this game first."

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