➹ LEFT TO LOSE ➷ chishiya s.

➸ CHAPTER FORTY

NOW PLAYING ...
Leaving Tonight • The Neighbourhood

! AUTHORS NOTE !
reallyyyy pushing through these final chapters, though my birthday is the 20th and it's sort of an emotional time for me so i'm sorry if i don't keep up the quick uploads :' )

! AUTHORS WARNING !
description of injuries, blood, gun violence, and some disassociation.

—
꧁♚————————{♛}————————♚꧂
—

➸ "Chishiya!" Arisu yelled, darting straight from his car to the next. You were now on your knees, still holding Chishiya in your arms as his head rested on your lap. Everything around you was blurred, like you were looking through the lense of a camera on portrait mode. The portrait in question was Chishiya's face, his eyes were closed and lips slightly parted, just like before. He didn't look bothered or uncomfortable, just sleepy. You couldn't take your eyes off of him, even afraid to blink for too long or he'll slip away from you.

In the corner of your eye was Arisu, shaking Chishiya's arm while another person you couldn't quite identify was putting pressure on his gunshot wound. They were talking to him, but what were they saying? And, why wasn't he responding? It just made the two talk louder, making both your ears ring, though one more than the other.

Then, the image of Chishiya started to blur with the rest of your vision. You couldn't see, why couldn't you see? Why does it feel like you're choking, your head pounding at the rhythm of your fast heartbeat. You couldn't breathe, you tried and tried but you were shaking. It's like your body was in fast motion while the rest of the world was slowing down, what's wrong with you?

You blinked, forcing the tears that were pooling in your eyes fall. Two landed on either of Chishiya's cheeks, your vision clearing up slightly enough to see his eyes open. He didn't say anything, just kept his eyes open, staring up at you with a small smile. He wanted you to know he was awake and you didn't hurt him, you've never harmed him ever, even when you would blame yourself for his scars.

"My Love," Chishiya mumbled, "Why are you crying for me?"

You couldn't stop yourself from smiling, even let out a small chuckle at the man below you. "I thought I killed you." You wiped your tears using your palms, really hiding your face from embarrassment. "Why did you step in the way like that?"

You could see his chest rising and shrinking as he takes deep breaths, making sure to breathe in through his nose and out of his mouth. He laid there completely still, not wanting to move a single inch and damage more of his body than it already is. "I've always been selfish," Chishiya swallowed his nerves. "Which is ironic because I'm a doctor. I wasn't always, though, I really did want to use my skills for good, but that's not how it works in the real world. Now, we're in a world where selfless people are dead, and the people I've sacrificed here are no different than the dying patients I didn't give service to."

The man talked very slowly, his low voice made you lean closer so you could catch every single word he spoke. He was normally expressionless, only hint on his feelings would be how his brows furrowed or his eyes narrowed, otherwise you were clueless. But now, his face muscles had loosened and he looked... guilty.

"I told myself you weren't dead, when I first got here. But, after I played my first game, I told myself that there was no way you were alive." You didn't react to his thoughts, which made him hesitant with following up on his words. "And still, I was always looking for you, waiting for you to show up at my next game, looking exactly the way I left you."

A smile stretched across his lips, "And, you did. You didn't know me or yourself back then, but you still held onto your identity. You never changed, and you still managed to stumble back into my life, even when I least expected it." Then, it faded. "I hate to say that my immediate thought when I saw you was that I can't stay with you through this. After all this time, you were still the selfless, adoring girl I did therapy with, and she was going to die here, and I can't do anything about it."

Your eyes gradually grew wider the more he spoke, not knowing what to think when this was the first time you saw a tear run from the crease of his left eye. "So, I lied to you about who I was, so you could forget me, and I could slip away." Chishiya closed his eyes, hiding from your emotions displayed in front of him. "I'm selfish, I kept secrets from you so I wouldn't have to face the consequences, just because I assumed your selflessness was your weakness. But despite everything, I still chose to stand by your side, as I couldn't force myself to walk away, which was even more selfish of me."

Chishiya panted from either talking so much or pure anxiety at what you'll say once he finishes. So, he kept going, making sure you could finally know everything. "Then something happened, something clicked. I don't know what did it, maybe it was when you were patching me up at the hospital, I finally was able to look into you." Your eyebrows furrowed at the statement; all this time, you thought he was always reading right through you, knowing your every thought and move. But in reality, he never knew until then?

"You were strong," Chishiya opened his eyes, "Stronger than me. I didn't see it before because I was hoping you'd change in the Borderlands, but you were strong this entire time, I just couldn't see it. You're more of a person than me, you're the type of person who should survive throughout this mess, because you have something that most of us don't."

Chishiya's breath hitched in pain as he lifted his arms to cup your face, leaving you star-struck. "So, you wanna know why I did what I did? Well, it's because I know there's no way I'm going to let you die here, and I was going to do something about it, no matter what."

Everything fell silent, you had forgotten the two-man audience watching the moment you and Chishiya shared the entire time. You had forgotten where you were and the dangers you put yourself in because you let your guard down. You had forgotten what it was like to love Chishiya, but never forgot what it was like to be loved by him. He has loved you all this time, and everything was for you.

"I'll ask again," Chishiya stroked your cheek with his thumb, "Y/N, Why do you cry for me?"

That was the first thing he asked you after being shot because of you, but it was a different question now. This time, he cried while he spoke, even if his voice wasn't breaking into sobs, you saw the water pour. He wants to know why you are still with him, after everything he's done and told you.

To you, the answer was simple.

Your hand caressed his own cheek, now wiping his tears away. You had inhaled a long breath to prepare yourself for your next words, but it was cut short to the sudden chill that ran down your spine. Usagi and Arisu felt it as well, the world slowly getting dimmer like the sun was hiding early. Everyone looked up, and saw the King of Spades blimp overhead, following with screams and gunshots right on cue.

Arisu immediately took charge, bringing yours and Usagi's focus onto the ground. "Hide them underneath the cars." The two of you nodded in understanding, Usagi running to Niragi as you gave one final look at Chishiya, who hasn't taken his eyes off you yet.

"Stay alive." You pleaded, using all of your strength to help him scoot underneath the car for protection of flying bullets.

Chishiya finally rested as comfortably as he could flat on his chest, head turned to face you on the other side. "I should be saying the same to you, but I already know you will."

—
꧁♚————————{♛}————————♚꧂
—

THANK YOU FOR READING!