Jackie Poo

Chapter 55

<Jack's POV>

"LILY!" I scream into the dark sky.

I fucking lost her. It's all my fault. Why can't I be fast enough? Why?

The cold air hits my bare skin. A shiver runs down my spine. Being in only my underwear was not the best for being outside in the middle of winter. Especially at night-time.

I don't want to give up, but it's pointless looking now.

I walk back to Lily's house, feeling completely useless. A better boyfriend would have run faster. A better boyfriend wouldn't have let a guy get away with taking Lily. A better boyfriend would have saved her.

I start running towards Lily's house. I run fast. Fast, like I should have.

I enter Lily's house out of breath. Once I close the door behind me, I sink to my knees.

I am weak and pathetic. Who was I to think that I could ever deserve a girl like Lily?

I never deserved her.

Tears run down my face as I think about her. What if the guy hurts her? What if he touches her? What if he kills her?

If she gets hurt, it's all my fault.

I am such a stupid, idiotic, disgusting person. I shouldn't even be able to live. I don't deserve to live. I let my girl go, I just gave up.

A good boyfriend wouldn't give up.

Tears stream down my face, and my lungs feel like they are about to collapse. I can't breathe.

Maybe I don't deserve to breathe.

"Jack?" Marhsall's worried voice is close. Suddenly, the lights turn on, and Marshall looks down at my crouched figure. "Jack, what the hell happened?"

"It's all my fault," I choke out. "I let them get away."

"What? Who?"

"The intruder! He took Lily, and I let him! She's probably miserable and tortured! Who knows what that phsyco path is doing!"

A sharp pain evolves in my chest, and breathing becomes almost impossible. My head pounds, and my legs hurt, and my brain feels like it is about to explode.

Good. I don't want to be alive anyway.

"Jack!" Marhsall crouches down next to me. "Jack, just breathe."

"I can't," I sob. "I want to die. Please, I can't breathe. Just make the pain go away. I don't deserve to be alive."

"No," Marshall strokes my hair, "No, don't say that."

"I can't breathe," I whisper as the pain in my chest grows even stronger. "I want to die. Please. Just make it stop."

Marhsall grabs my face so that I am facing him. He wipes the tears from my eyes. "Okay. Jack, you're having a panic attack. I want to help you. Just follow my instructions."

My head throbs, so I barely nod.

"Take a deep breath," He instructs.

Slowly, I breathe in the air. Then, I breathe out.

"Good, that's good," Marshall smiles. "Now, tell me five things you can see."

I look around with blurry eyes. "You, the couch, the floor, the ceiling, and the table."

He pats my back. "Okay. Now, four things you can touch."

"Myself, you, the floor, and the wall."

"Good, that's good!" He encourages me, "Now three things you can hear."

"You, the fan, and the ringing in my ears."

"You're doing so great, Jack. What are two things you smell?"

"Leftover pizzia and your fart."

His cheeks turn red. "Okay, yes, I did just fart. But finally, what's one thing you taste?"

"My tears." I sigh, and suddenly I feel a little bit better. The burning in my chest goes away a little, but the nagging feeling in my head is worse than ever.

Marshall eyes me carefully. "Are you okay now?"

I think of her and how much danger she is in. I think on how much of a wimp I am for letting her go.

"Lily," I whisper and break down again. I'm trembling and bawling my eyes out like I have never done before.

Marhsall pulls me into a tight hug and tells me it's okay over and over again.

But it's not okay.
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