Game Over: Life's Over

Escape

The sun was just starting to rise when I woke up so I knew it was early before I even looked at a clock. I grabbed my phone and unlocked it. There were a few missed messages from Soleil that I hadn't seen since the last time I checked my phone. I felt bad for not messaging her and staying in touch while I was in the hospital. There wasn't much I could do while I was sleeping but that was no excuse for all the time that I was awake.

It wasn't like Soleil wasn't on my mind. It wasn't like I didn't think about her or want to talk to her. I couldn't wait to see her again.

I grabbed my phone and quietly got out of bed. I walked to the door and stuck my head out into the hallway. Eric and Theo's room was quiet so either they were still sleeping or they were downstairs. Both options were good for giving me some privacy. To my right, I could hear the shower running. I didn't know who it was until I heard Mom cough.

Good. Hopefully, I could have some time to myself.

I shut the door as quietly as I could and ran back to my bed. I opened up the messages to Soleil and messaged Are you awake?

It took a few minutes before I got a response back. Why are you texting me at six in the morning?

I was hoping we could talk, I sent.

Are you breaking up with me? At the end of her messages were a bunch of crying emojis. I couldn't tell if she thought I was serious or if she was feeding into the bit.

Why would I do that at six in the morning?

Hm, you're right. So what's up?

I'm freaking out and I need your help.

Okay, what did you do?

It's not me. It's my mom.

She sent a smiley face. How come things aren't going okay with your mom? What's going on there?

I took a deep breath before I started typing. She told me yesterday that she wants to produce milk for me.

That's a really weird way to say breastfeeding. Don't beat around the bush. There's no such thing as TMI with me. I mean, maybe other than seeing puke.

Soleil, be serious. I'm having a crisis.

Okay, okay. Why is breastfeeding such a bad thing?

My head fell back as I silently groaned. Babies breastfeed and I'm not a baby.

We kind of are though. Whether we want to be or not.

Don't I get a choice in what happens to me?

There's a fancy word for that but my brain can't think that hard when it's so early. But that's not the point. Is it going to kill you to breastfeed?

It just might. Thinking about it made me feel like doing it would lead to death. I knew I was just being dramatic but I couldn't stop my brain from thinking the worst. It was something I'd grown to be good at over the years.

Stop being so dramatic, Jake. You'll be fine. And I won't think any less of you if you do it.

Have you ever had to do it?

She sent a few laughing emojis. My mom would LOVE for me to do that with her. She said it's such a good bonding experience for mothers and their children. I've just vetoed it every time she's brought it up because I like her not being around all the time. She smothers me with her love and affection.

It was funny to hear her say that. I felt the opposite with my mom. I wanted her to be around more. I wanted to see her all the time and get close to her. Maybe I should reconsider my aversion to breastfeeding like Soleil was suggesting.