Game Over: Life's Over

Thumb Sucker

After lunch, all I wanted to do was sleep. Thankfully, Mom decided we had bought enough clothes and it was time to go home. I barely stayed awake long enough to go from the restaurant to the car.

One of the nice things about my disability was that I didn't have to worry about driving home. Any chance of driving was off the table the second I got diagnosed. But it wasn't all bad. At least I could sleep on the way home.

I covered myself with the blanket Mom kept in her car and closed my eyes. The ride home was short but the little bit of sleep I was able to get was still appreciated. It just made it hard to wake up once we got home.

Theo met Mom outside once we pulled up. He didn't wake me up and carried me into the house while Mom grabbed some of the bags.

"How'd you make out?" Theo asked in a hushed voice.

Mom nodded and looked down at the bags she held. "We picked out plenty of clothes to hold him over for a while. I'm really hoping we don't need to do this again any time soon. Poor Jake needs some time to get used to this before anything else happens."

Theo sighed. "I agree. Any time something happens, he struggles to adjust. We're worried this time might be too much for him."

"This back and forth could give him a break but I'm afraid the more it happens, the more it will upset him."

"I guess there's only one way to find out."

Mom walked inside ahead of Theo and set the bags down at the bottom of the steps. Theo went straight to the living room and laid me down on the couch. He covered me up with a blanket before going back out to the car with Mom to get the rest of the bags.

Theo offered to wash all of my new clothes and then put them away for Mom so she wouldn't have to. Theo said he wanted to move my bigger clothes elsewhere so there would be room for the clothes that would actually fit me. I could have done it myself but, for my sanity, it was probably best that Theo did it.

Ever since I left the hospital, I had a suspicion that my room was going to be changed at some point. My bed sat a little too high considering my new height and it wasn't even meant for someone my size to begin with. I was scared of the day when changes would start to be made.

Mom took a few minutes to help Theo with the bags before she came back to the living room. She took her shoes off and carefully moved me so she could lay down on the couch with me.

She pulled me into her arms, tucking the blanket back around me.

I almost woke up at the sudden movements but it didn't take me long to realize it was Mom doing it. I wiggled myself into her arms as close as I could get and sighed around the binky that was between my lips.

"That's my good boy," Mom whispered. She kissed the top of my head.

Mom had to go back home eventually. She'd already said that she could only stay a few more days. I was trying to enjoy my time with her before it was gone again.

I thought I would get used to being away from Mom the longer that time passed but it only seemed to get worse. Every goodbye was another hit to make me realize that she wasn't there and I had two strangers taking care of me. Theo and Eric took good care of me and I was sure they loved me but they weren't Mom. They couldn't replace the connection we had.

With an armful of clothes, Theo came downstairs. He left the baby gate open while he was going up and down the steps since he didn't have to worry about me.

He glanced at me as he passed through. "Soleil's been asking to see him. She wanted to come while he was in the hospital but Carrie didn't want to overwhelm us with a visit. I'm sure she's getting antsy."

"I know Jacob misses her. He might not tell us but I'm sure he wants to see her, too."

Theo nodded. "Do you think he's ready for that?"

Mom shrugged. "I don't see why not. He might need a few days to get ready for his playgroup but a visit with Soleil wouldn't hurt."

"I'm glad he has her. He needs someone like her to help him get through all the changes he has to deal with. All of this in less than a year is a lot to put on someone."

"Do you think we should look into therapy?"

"It couldn't hurt. He doesn't always talk to Eric and I about these things but he does with Soleil. But she's in the same boat so while she'll sympathize, I'm not sure how much she can truly help."

"Would you mind looking into that? Maybe we can find someone for him to talk to after the holidays. It won't be long until his 19th birthday and I'm not sure how he'll take that considering all he has to deal with."

Theo nodded. "Of course."

My binky fell from my mouth and rolled between Mom's body and the back of the couch.

Rather than wait for Mom to grab it for me, I stuck my thumb in my mouth, needing something to fill the void. I couldn't remember what I was like when I was really and truly a baby so I didn't know if I sucked my thumb back then or not. It wasn't something I had ever planned on doing, especially since using a binky was already hard enough to get used to.

"That's new," Theo said in a low voice.

"The doctor at the hospital wasn't lying when he said Jacob's size would change how he acts."

"It makes me a little nervous that we don't know what to expect or how he will react. He doesn't seem to realize it's happening so that's at least something. I'm sure he'll pick up on it eventually, though."

Mom nodded.

Theo sighed. "I'm going to go put these clothes in the wash. If you need a break, just let me know."

Mom smiled. "Thank you."