Episode 58: Focus
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(ps: unedited hehe. sorry sa typos)
Umiyak lang ako ng umiyak. Emeril's embrace gave me the biggest comfort I can ever get and it really gave me the assurance that I need—That no matter how everything will turn out, he's here, he will never leave me.
"Hon, bumalik ka na roon sa mga kapatid mo. I'll stay here na muna and get some rest. Siguro, uuwi na lang muna ako sa condo! I can't spoil the fun in here! Minsan lang kayo ma kumpleto, I can't act this way."
"Hon, it's okay! I'm staying here with you, dadamayan kita, okay? Tsaka, pumarito ka na, I'll be more than willing to stay with you whenever! Maiintindihan ka ng pamilya ko."
Namumugto na ang mga mata ko sa kakaiyak. Hindi ko alam kung ano na ang gagawin ko ngayon na kumpirmado na ang lahat! Bakit ganoon ang nagawa ng daddy at tito ko? Ano ba ang kasalanan nila Jarred para ganoon na lang ang kahinatnan nila? I feel ashamed and regretful. Kung hindi dahil sa akin hindi mangyayari ang lahat ng ito.
I brought chaos to a once peaceful family and now they are wreck. Nawala sa kanila at kailanman ay hindi ko na maibabalik sa kanila ang buhay kasama ang kanilang ama. I should have listened and stopped pestering Jarred before to accept my feelings...Hindi na sana nangyari ang lahat ng iyon. If only I could turn back time, pipigilan ko ang mga nangyari.
Ang sakit.
"I don't think I can even enjoy with everyone after everything that I confirmed. Hon, promise, okay lang ako. You can just be with me after the holiday! Magpapasama—"
"That won't do. Stay here, I'll be with you, okay? Sasamahan kitang harapin ang daddy at tito mo, I'm here! H'wag mo na akong isipin sa ngayon, okay? Trust me, hon. Please, just trust me."
"Pero...Nakakahiya sa lahat, and maybe when they find out...Nahihiya ako kung anong klaseng pamilya meron ako, hon."
Hinila ako ni Emeril at muling niyakap. "Hon, if everyone judges you, I can assure you that I won't. Kahit ang pamilya ko, hindi kami perpekto gaya na lamang nang tingin ng iba. We made mistakes, we have hurt people when we love and care, and even do things we regret as a family, walang perpekto sa mundo, Issa. But you know what? We can always try and correct anyone and own selves when we need to. Please, hayaan mo akong samahan kita,"
I sighed. "Kakausapin ko sila daddy bukas! I need to do something! This maybe long overdue pero gusto kong ayusin ang lahat! Kahit pa mag-isa na lang ako, even when I lose them, this is the right thing to do!For now, I will rely on you, Emeril! Sorry for spoiling this event for you!"
"Not at all, hon. Relying into me means making sure you're safe, and you trust me. I am the happiest." he whispered and gave me a kiss on my forehead.
I am skeptical, honestly. Hindi ko gusto itong nangyayari at apektado si Emeril. I swear I don't want to affect him in whatever I'm going through kaso kasama ko siya, hindi ako nag-iisa. Pinili niya itong samahan ako and I am grateful, very grateful.
"Hon, balik na tayo roon sa mga kapatid mo." sabi ko at napabangon. Mag aalas onse pa at nagkakatuwaan pa sila sa labas. It's been around two hours since we left the group at malamang naghahanap na sila. Ayaw ko naman idamay si Emeril, my grief can wait.
"It's okay, hon! Sinabi ko na sa kanila na hindi maganda ang pakiramdam mo at sasamahan na muna kita. Nanay got worried but I made signal that I'll handle it for now and she understands the situation we're in and so she let us be. Don't worry, okay? Get some rest."
"Hindi ba ako lugi't nagmumukmok ako rito habang nagpapasarap sila Tito at Daddy despite being that evil against people? Grabe, 'di ko masikmura!" sabi ko't nanggigil ako.
