fate

pain

taehyung and jungkook both went back to the living room, there was one thing none of them dared to admit. they both still enjoyed each other's company. everything had changed with time, except their comfort around each other.

they both went and sat on the balcony again. it was a peaceful night. the stars shone brightly in the night, the wind brushing past taehyung's hair softly. taehyung was staring at the sky with a small sad smile on his face while jungkook was looking at him. taehyung looked so mesmerizing.

taehyung took a diary from his bag and wrote something with an ink pen. jungkook was curious about what he had written, so he peeked a little.

taehyung: you want to read what I just wrote?

jungkook nodded. taehyung took the diary closer to him. the pages of the diary were stained with coffee, intentionally to make them feel ancient. taehyung's beautiful cursive handwriting was written on it. the handwriting said everything about him. beautiful, organized, creative, and different. then jungkook finally read the words.

"fall in love with someone who doesn't make you feel love is hard" 

I didn't believe it for a moment. love was supposed to be hard. love was an untamed force. it had to be in its way. it had to go through many tests before proving it is true. thus the statement didn't make any sense. I believed in

"fall in love with someone, where even if it is hard it is worth it" 

jungkook: that's beautiful.

Tae Hyung: thank you. it's late... you should sleep, don't you have an office tomorrow?

jungkook: I do. what about you? you have college too. you don't wanna go to college tired. if you sleep any later, you will have just 3 hours of sleep.

taehyung: it's okay. 3 hours of sleep is a luxury for me.

jungkook: huh? what do you mean by that? 

taehyung: I have insomnia. can't sleep for even 2 hours straight. that's one of the reasons I drink so much. passing out is easier than staying awake, thinking about shit.

jungkook: uhhh... taehyung....

taehyung: yeah?

jungkook: has uhh.. has anything happened to you? has anyone hurt you?

taehyung: hurt me? many people have. but the person who hurt me the most, is me myself.

jungkook wanted answers now. but he was unsure if he should bring up the topic. he didn't know how much of a touchy subject it was for taehyung.

jungkook: yoongi... he uh... he told me you have depression... you were.... suicidal. is it true???

taehyung looked at jungkook, his heart beating faster than before. his heart was terrified of even thinking about it.

taehyung: that's none of your business Mr. jeon.

he said harshly. it hurt jungkook that taehyung was using 'Mr. jeon' but what hurt him more was that taehyung was not comfortable enough to share his problems with him. but jungkook expected that. they were no longer dating, no longer in love how could he expect taehyung to trust his ex-boyfriend?

jungkook carefully kept a hand on taehyung's shoulder after debating with himself if it was appropriate.

jungkook: you know you can talk to me if you feel like it sometime? 

taehyung's breaths had become slow and ragged now. 

taehyung: don't you hate me? I loved you till there was nothing else we knew and left you like it didn't matter to me. I left you like you were just an object? like a coward? I left you even when you got on your knees and begged me to stay. doesn't that make you mad at me? why are you still willing to help me?

jungkook: I used to hate you, I was so mad at you. I felt that you played with my heart. but then I realized that you must have had some reason to leave me. when we were together, I was not oblivious. I knew the way you looked at me, held me, kissed me. it all held so much passion, so much love. you must have had some reason to leave it all. you didn't cry the day we broke up. the day I got on my knees for you to stay. but you had cried the earlier night. you had tried to hold me as close as possible. we made love the way we never had before. I know you are not a bad person. just because you broke my heart, does not mean you are cruel. you still need some support for when you break down. so, if you ever feel like it. you are welcome to come here and talk to me. I would always listen to you.

taehyung: thank you. that means a lot to me. 

taehyung (mind): ji-eun is so lucky to have such a wonderful human being as her husband. if only fate were kind enough.

they both sat in silence for some time, the only sound being taehyung's ragged breaths. then they decided to go inside and sleep. jungkook showed the taehyung the guest room where he quickly got comfortable and slid under the blanket. jungkook closed taehyung's door and went to his bedroom. he got in bed not caring about changing his clothes.

his mind wandered to taehyung, and how helpless he had looked. how he looked like a glass object that could shatter at any moment. jungkook wanted to know what had hurt the boy so much.