fate

attacks again

this chapter is for @christinejenniferh. thank you for supporting me this much!!! I love you and your comments!!! please keep commenting!!! 

also, I am really sorry for posting after this long. I was going through a writer's block.

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jimin: hello? jungkook?

jungkook: jimin!!! where is bun? is he okay? is he fine? is he blaming himself? give the phone to him!!!

jimin gave the phone to taehyung and he shakily put it on his ear. he spoke trying to control his sobs.

taehyung: h-hello?

jungkook: tae!!! are you okay?

taehyung: I-I'm f-fine.

jungkook: don't lie to me. I can clearly hear that this has shaken you up... now, listen to me carefully. I'm taking the next flight back to korea. till then, I want you to stay at home and with jimin all the time. please don't watch social media or anything or go outside...

taehyung: b-but t-this shouldn't have happened. t-this is all b-because of m-me...

jungkook: JEON TAEHYUNG!!! you listen to me right now. this is not your fault. it is the media's fault. they are too nosy and assume wrong things. please don't blame yourself. please, honey. for me.

taehyung: I'll try.

jungkook: do you trust me, tae?

taehyung: more t-than m-myself.

jungkook: then, don't worry. I'll make everything alright.

taehyung: o-ok... p-please come fast... I'm scared...

jungkook: I'm coming as soon as  can... I have cancelled my meeting and will reach home till tomorrow. till then, I need you to be strong.

taehyung: y-you don't n-need to cancel you me-meeting. I'm f-fine.

jungkook: but I am not. I would not be able to focus on work in this state anyways.

after talking for sometime, they cut the call. taehyung wrapped the blanket around himself like a burrito and switched on the TV. he was scrolling through, trying to decide what to watch. he had no interest in watching anything right now but he had to take his mind off things. he finally put on a series called 'bridgerton'.

he was watching it but was hardly paying attention. his mind was scattered, thoughts everywhere. he was overthinking everything. meanwhile, jimin came in his room and told him that he was leaving for some time to get something. 

Taehyung was alone in the house. his guilty conscience kept bothering him. 

" this is all your fault. it is your fault jungkook's reputation is on the line. jungkook is suffering because of you" one part of his mind was saying this while the other part was saying '

mind 2: no. jungkook told you this si not your fault. be positive.

mind 1: oh please. he just said it to make you feel better. even he knows it is your fault. you can't do anything right. you came in his life and ruined it too. why are you even alive? what the fuck is wrong with you. you should just die.

Taehyung was having a panic attack. he covered his face with his shaky hands. his whole body was trembling. tears were rolling down his cheeks and he was facing shortage of air. his breaths were fast and short. he somehow opened the drawer besides the bed to find the pills but didn't find any. he fell to the ground not being able to handle himself. there he was, lying on the ground shaking when jimin came in the house and found him like that. he dropped his bags and ran to taehyung, picking him and placing him on bed.

he wrapped his arms around him and Taehyung. he made Taehyung take deep breaths. he tried to calm him and whispered sweet nothings to him. after, his sobbing and trembling reduced a bit, jimin ran the drawer to find his pills but when he didn't find any, he ran to get his bag from the living room. he always carried Taehyung's pills in his bag just in case. 

he gave two pills and a glass of water to Taehyung who gulped them down, still shaking. his trembles reduced a few minutes later and he could breathe normally again. he stopped crying completely after some time, leaving the traces of tears on his cheeks and the blood marks of his nails piercing through his own palms. Jimin who was still hugging him, left his embrace and brought the medical kit from the bathroom and started to bandage his palms after stopping the blood. 

jimin: I thought your panic attacks stopped after everything was fixed with jungkook.

Taehyung didn't reply and just looked down at his feet. Jimin understood by his lack of response.

jimin: why didn't you tell me? jungkook? someone? why didn't you tell anyone?

Taehyung didn't reply.

jimin: Answer me!!!

a tear slipped from taehyung's eye. seeing this, jimin sighed and wrapped his arms around Taehyung, patting his back.

jimin: why didn't you tell jungkook? he is your boyfriend. he loves you. you should be honest about yourself with him.

Taehyung: h-he was h-happy. I-I d-didn't want t-to ruin his mood.

jimin: tae, he loves you. he is happy because he thought you are happy. he worries about you cause he cares about you. so, you shouldn't hide anything from him. 

Taehyung: b-but. but he doesn't even know I have depression. he just knows about the panic attacks. 

Jimin: why doesn't he know? and even if that is the case, you could have told me.

Taehyung: ...

Jimin: do I need to move in with you again?

Taehyung: no!! you guys need some privacy too. I don't want to be a burden.

Jimin took a deep breath and replied.

Jimin: so that's the problem. let me tell you something. you never invade my and yoongi's privacy. you are not a burden to us. neither are you a burden to jungkook. none of us think you are a burden. 

Taehyung: but I am always third-wheeling with you and yoongi and invading your privacy.

jimin: tae, you never third-wheel with us. you are our child. you can ask yoongi too. he would say the same thing. please don't assume that you are a burden. when I rely on you, or rant to you or tell you all about my problems, do you consider me as a burden?

Taehyung shook his head.

jimin: then why do you think we think of you as a burden??