Forever and ever 2. The adventure starts now.

Part 35.

I HATED confrontations.
In the word confrontation itself, the declaration of a negative end already being included. And that was exactly what I feared right now.
Standing at the kitchen island with a cup of coffee in hand, I stirred in the sugar with a teaspoon between my fingertips. My thoughts were being in another dimension while my eyes only stared at the bowl of fruits in front of me.

I had no idea how to tell Tom about my role, but I knew it was today or never. Today, on our date. Today, on the 8th of december...

I was fucked...
How did I end up here?
The restlessness flowed through my veins, penetrated my thoughts like a virus. I couldn't think of anything else, hoping the coffee would wake me up from the nightmare. But now that half of it was already down my throat, my heart was beating even faster.

"Good midnight morning my beautiful princess!" Tom came skipping down the stairs. His white T-shirt covered half of his black boxer shorts and apart from the socks on his feet, he wore nothing else. "I thought you were coming back to bed." He said, sounding confused, taking a cup from the cupboard to prepare some hot water for his tea. I was still staring at the bowl, lips hovering over the warm coffee I was clutching in my hands. "You don't talk much at 6am, do you?" Then he chuckled deeply and poured the hot water into his mug when he got no answer.

It was difficult for me to perceive him when I was trying so hard to run away from him in my mind. I just wish there was a way for me to skip this day. Not because of the date, but because of my amazing news.
"Hey, you okay?" A few more silent minutes had passed, during which I continued to stare at the bowl while he had rested his elbow on the side of the kitchen island, trying to make out what I was thinking about. But oh dear god, please don't let him read my mind.
"Darling..." He whispered anxiously, taking a step closer to put his arm around my waist. Then he gave me a kiss on my temple, and then another on my cheek, and another on my jaw. As if he could bring me back to reality. But even though I managed to perceive him now, I couldn't take my eyes off the bowl.

"Yeah I'm good." I said.
"Are you sure? You seem a little reluctant." I shook my head at his words.
"Yeah." I replied and finally took my eyes off the bowl, now staring at his lips before looking up, catching his gaze right away. Finding serious concern in them. "Couldn't sleep..." He nodded. It was a lie, but he still shook his head with full understanding.

Tom knew exactly how it felt not to be able to sleep, and even though I was just too deep in thought to close even one eye, Tom took it very seriously. He took everything very seriously, as far as I was concerned.
"So you drink coffee?" He questioned, eyeing my cup. I didn't have to answer to confirm. The sarcasm in his voice hard to miss. "Let me make you a cup of tea instead and rub your back until you fall asleep again." He already started drawing little circles on my lower back, knew exactly what helped me fall asleep. But that was no surprise. Tom remembered everything about me, just as I remembered everything about him.

"No, it's fine. I don't think I'll be able to fall asleep again tonight." The sky would be dark for at least another hour, allowing me to go back to sleep, but what good would it do? I was awake, thoughts playing through all sorts of scenarios.

Tom getting angry, Tom being happy, Tom brooding. I tried going through every reaction I would get in the evening...

"Come on. I can see your eyes are about to fall shut again at any moment." Maybe he was right, maybe he wasn't, but I went along with him anyway. Whether I despaired here in the kitchen or upstairs in the bedroom with Tom by my side, what difference did it make? So I nodded and while he made me some tea, I went upstairs.

Tom's shirt from last night was still dissected on the dresser, as were his trousers and a folded piece of paper peeking out of his pocket. Even though Tom usually wore a suit on most days, I found yesterday's suit extremely attractive. He somehow managed to look good in everything.