Forever and ever 2. The adventure starts now.

Part 64.

Tom's pov~

My day consisted of driving Parker's stuff to my parents and repeating the whole thing. First clothes, then toys, then the bike and his scooter. With the last batch for the day just delivered and now on the way back, my nerves were already on the edge.
Days without proper sleep have taken their toll, leaving me drained and on the verge of collapse.
I think I slept a total of one hour and 22 minutes last night. That was it. Having waited until 6am for a message from Y/N to pop up and light up my screen, but none ever came, not even a good night text. I also underestimated the power that her smell held. Her scent was all over our bedsheets, and it drove me insane.

I couldn't get a wink of sleep. When Parker was having breakfast I passed out on the couch and only woke up when he started shaking my shoulders so much that I almost fell off the cushions.

"Can I talk to Mommy later?" He asked, looking out of his window from the back seat. And I nodded, murmuring a quiet "yes" while concentrating on the road. The weariness in my bones made it hard to keep my eyes open, my eyelids drooping against my will, and I had already taken several pills to keep me awake that day. They didn't seem to scare me one bit anymore...
"Promise?" Parkers voice reached my ears, yet his words felt distant, a mere echo in the background. I strained to understand his words, but they slipped through the cracks of my foggy mind.
I, again nodded. Whatever. I thought.

Whatever, I was on the verge of fucking up anyway.
Whatever, do what you want.
Whatever, I didn't care.

The exhaustion wrapped around me like a thick blanket, muffling the importance of his questions. Part of me wanted to be involved, to be the attentive father my son deserved, to give him guidance and support. But fatigue held me captive, numbed my senses and clouded my mind.

When we arrived home, he took my hand on the way to the house and squeezed it tightly as if he could sense I wasn't feeling well. I was unlocking the door and looked down at him, his eyes radiating a glimmer of concern. But at the same time they were just his eyes, I shouldn't read too much into it.
"Go and grab your boots. Yeah?" He nodded and ran to his room. Maybe I couldn't give him the day he deserved, so I texted my brother and asked if he could watch Parker for the day. Maybe take him sledding or just go to the park for a bit while I rested. It would be best for both of us. I knew.

Twenty minutes later I opened the door to my little brother, his red curls covered by a green beanie, red cheeks with a crooked smile taking over his features.
"Hello my dear brother." he greeted me, and stepped inside. "Looking as shitty as ever." He added on his way, crawling beneath my arm which held the door open.
"Lovely to see you too, Harry." His smarmy grin scratched my nerves, but I was glad he stood by me when it came to Parker. He immediately took the little man in his arms and lifted him onto his hip.
"Look at how big you're getting, huh? In a few weeks you'll be taller than me!" He tickled him, at least as far as it worked, because Parker was wearing several covers of jackets I had put on him, and I wasn't sure he could even feel touch as marshmallowy as he looked.
"Tall." Parker repeated, learning new words.
The two of them were grinning from ear to ear, having more fun than I had in weeks. For fuck's sake, was everyone constantly happy?

"Hey- thanks for doing this." I nudged Harry's arm and gave him my most possible fake smile.
"Of course." He said. He didn't seem to mind, at least not watching Parker, but as he walked out of my house a few minutes later, I noticed the pitying look he gave me, knowing I was about to break down. A deep breath rushed through my lungs as the house grew quiet. So quiet, I thought I could hear the racing of my heart, or... or the laughter coming from Y/N's throat. The way she usually filled the house with her voice felt like heaven. A heaven I would never want to leave if I were to enter it.

I took my mobile phone out of the back pocket of my jeans and threw it on the kitchen counter on the way to the cupboard.
398 unread messages had accumulated on my phone over the last few weeks, and I couldn't have cared enough to open them. Still, it told me that it was half past three, and even though it wasn't usually my drinking time, it seemed quite appropriate now. Just one before I would go to sleep.

I opened the cupboard and stared at the bottles in front of me. Some of them still full, some of them only having a few gulps left in them.

Let me see what there was. Whiskey, scotch, bourbon... ah there it was, dark rum. It was everything I needed and more. It brought me the comfort I sought by numbing me and making me forget who I really was.

I took the first sip, letting the taste burn into my throat. With the slight smoky undertone, and caramel, cinnamon spice it held, dark rum was well within my top 10 favourite drinks.

The second and third sips weren't much different, but after I could still feel and see after my first glass, I poured myself a second glass. Then a third, until my blood turned to ice and my heart began to beat like a time bomb. Slowly, but dangerously. I strolled towards the sofa, my feet covered with stone blocks, kept me from walking upright.

I reached it, safe and sincere, until my phone rang and my head popped to the kitchen counter. The profile picture couldn't belong to anyone other than my wife, even though I could only recognise pixels of colour. I had to pick up. It was Y/N. I had to pick up before the ringing went off.
I stumbled back to the kitchen, grabbed my mobile phone and swiped to the side.
"Yellow?" I answered, giggling. My voice sounded funny, didn't it?
"Tommy?" She asked.
"He's on." I ran my fingertips over the marble slab like a teenage girl talking to her crush on the phone. Her voice triggering a certain tickle in my belly.

"You okay? You sound kinda..." She couldn't think of the right word to describe my state, and yet I described it perfectly with every word that left my mouth. Crazy, lonely, humiliating.
"I'm awesome." I slurred, trying my best to sound casual despite the waves of intoxication crashing over me.. "Like a unicorn."

"Is Parker with you?" Concern immediately began to take over her voice pitch. Which was ridiculous. Parker was safe. With Harriet.
"Nope." I plopped the P, looking through the room for any hints of Parker. Nope. He was with my brother.
"Then where is he Tom?" Her concern felt like an unwarranted intrusion into my life, and the alcohol fueled my growing anger at her perceived lack of faith in me. Did she really think I couldn't take care of him? Apart from the fact that I had sent him to Harry because I indeed couldn't take care of him, of course. But otherwise I could look after him very well and I couldn't believe that there was so little trust in me.

I remained silent, having forgotten to answer.
But her patience and trust in me began to boil up anger in her.
"Where is my Son, Thomas!" She demanded, now having reached a point where hearing her voice didn't sound like heaven anymore.

Her Son... why not Our Son?
"In rainbow land." I whispered.
"God you're so childish sometimes." She hung up with a loud smash of her phone hitting some surface, and a wave of guilt washed over me. At least I finally managed to fuck up. That called for a fourth glass of rum. Or perhaps a scotch to switch things up. I strolled my way back to the couch, this time with glass in hand and my phone in my pocket in case Y/N was going to call again.

I hit the cushions underneath me, throwing my back against the pillows. Unfortunately, with too much force, I didn't hold the glass tight enough, which then leaked out onto my trousers until there was not a drop left.
Whatever.
I was too tired to get a new glass, I couldn't have cared less about my pants. But maybe a little more about the stains soaking into the sofa...

~Now there's a bit of dark drama in this part. Hope you're excited for the next one. ~