South Park: Dragging Me Down

Thoughts

I'm not worthless...

Pip sat with his knees drawn up to his chest in the theatre where he'd spent his breaktime and now lunchtime hiding from his bullies. He was in no mood to deal with them today and so far they'd left him alone. Thankfully they were all busy with their social lives to worry about him.

I'm not worthless.

Despite this, he'd still been given a detention for being late to class - only because he'd somehow missed the wet floor sign and gone skidding down the corridor, making him a few minutes late to his maths class.

I'm not worthless!

Pip was desperately trying hard to stick to Mysterion's mantra. It was just SO difficult. He was trying to remind himself as often as he could to help it sink in.

He was a good boy. He deserved to be loved.

But I don't...

He shook the negative thought away. It was just so hard. He was still struggling to believe he was worth anything when everything he'd ever been called suggested otherwise.

Mysterion was nice to him. Told him he was worthy. Told him they were friends and he DESERVED friends and he shouldn't listen to anyone who was mean to him because they were WRONG.

But this worried him. Whether he liked it or not, Mysterion was obviously getting attached to him. Worried about him. He felt the same about Mysterion. They were friends, weren't they?

Attachments showed reliance. Reliance was wrong. So so wrong.

Pip couldn't get attached to people. It was too dangerous.

Then why... am I feeling so... lonely?

He sighed. The longing for someone to talk to him- just ACKNOWLEDGE him clawed at his stomach. This in turn made him feel guilty.

You have no reason to be feeling this way. Everyone feels the way you do. Stop making a big deal out of it.

He rested his head on his knees and stared out of the window next to him, looking into the school car park. He could just about make out two of the teachers snogging inside one of the cars which was steadily steaming up, making him wince and slide the curtain shut. The refreshing darkness caused him to yawn, suddenly remembering how exhausted he was.

He hadn't slept at all last night. He'd been talking to Mysterion and after the hero had left he found that although he was physically and mentally fried, he couldn't fall asleep. His memories had spurned his confidence and his anxiety was seeping through the roof. His mind was wired. Tired. Wired and tired.

I need some sleep...

"Hey."

Pip jumped violently, causing him to slam his back against the wooden frame he'd been resting on, his back beginning to throb again. His eyes met Michael's and he found himself beginning to panic. "S-Sorry I-I wasn't expecting- y-you startled m-me." he stammered. He hadn't even heard Michael enter.

Michael leant forward on his cane. "So I saw."

Pip didn't need this right now. "H-How are you?" he blurted out, accidently initiating a conversation with him.

"Could be better. You?"

"O-Oh, I'm f-fine thank you." Pip stuttered, hating the fact he'd been caught off guard. "D-Did you... need something?"

"I wanted to see how you were." he admitted, piercing violet eyes running up and down Pip's timid frame. "Haven't seen you in a few days."

Pip's eyes went wide, "Y-You did? You mean... me?"

"Is there anyone else in here?" Micheal replied dryly.

Pip hoped not. He shook his head.

"What are you doing in here anyway, blondie?"

Pip tried absorbing Michael's words. "I... um... I just... wanted to be alone."

"Alone, huh? Then why do you look so sad?"

"I'm not..." he couldn't even finish. Michael was right. He was just feeling so low today. "T-Thank you for seeing how I was."

"I'm not leaving yet." Michael rolled his eyes at Pip's attempted dismissal of him.

"Oh." Pip wobbled to his feet. "W-What did you want to do?" his eyes met Michael's cane and his breath hitched.

Michael seemed to notice this and stood his full height, moving the cane behind his back. "Firkle wanted me to ask you if you wanted to borrow his knife to self-harm."

Pip was stunned, "Um... N-Not really? But... thank you?"

"Cool. He also asked if you wanted to hang out at our hang-out?"

"O-Oh no, I couldn't." Pip protested.

"Pfft. Even after the kid was thinking about you? And by him I mean us, I can't even deny that," he sniffed.

"You... were... t-thinking about... me?" he squeaked, feeling his cheeks brightening up.

"Heh, yeah. Hard to believe, right?"

Pip nodded dumbly.

A tiny smile graced Michael's lips. He and the Goths couldn't help but adore the Brit. He was a non-conformist like them and was full of the Victorian aesthetic which was in line with their gothic attires, and unlike every other person in all of South Park, he wasn't a douche. Apparently.

"Are you coming then? Or do you want to stay here alone and dwell on your angst a little longer?"

"H-Honestly it's f-fine, it's fine I can deal with it."

"Suit yourself." Michael sighed, retreating up the steps towards the exit.

Pip stared at the door as it swung shut, eyes welling up with tears. He couldn't believe what he'd just done. Actually, he could. He could believe it. He was a coward. A coward who'd repress and refuse to accept his true emotions if it meant others would be happy.

Then why did he sigh? Did he... they... really want me there?

Pip rubbed his eyes.

Nobody ever wants me...

He sniffled.

Mysterion does. Why can't you give them a chance like you did him?

He hugged himself.

Because I've given people chances before and they always let me down...

He broke into more sobs.

I can't stand being hurt no more!

He wiped away his tears on his sleeves.

Snap out of it! Do they look like the type of people who would do that to you?

He sniffed.

Not really...

He wiped his eyes.

Then trust them...