Chasing Secrets✓

67.

Amara

"Amara what are you doing?"

I was frantically stuffing clothes in a suitcase. "Leaving, what else does it look like I'm doing?"

"Look, I know she scared you-" he proceeds to say but I cut him off.

"Yeah, she scared me! Everything that has happened scares me and it's making me wonder if I'm the problem. No, I know I'm the problem, so I'm ridding myself out of everyone's lives so you'll all be stress free and happy!" I exclaim.

"Amara don't," Lucien tries calming me down but I flick him off with a harsh glare.

"I need to think right now. Don't crowd me," I pace back and forth in the bedroom, holding back the long crocodile tears that threatened to escape my eyes.

"Amara please don't make this a problem."

"What the hell Lucien?! How do you expect me NOT to make this a problem? Clarissa is one out of many reminders that we're not right for each other, that I'm not good for you."

He sighs, running his hands through his hair. He sits on the edge of the bed and motions for me to join him. I give in and follow in his footsteps, however, he pulls me forward and obliges me to sit on his lap. His face connects to the nape of my neck as he leaves a wet kiss to the skin and moves the loose strands of hair away from my eyes.

"Let me ask you something. I don't give a rats ass about what people think about our relationship but do YOU think we're not right for each other?"

I raise an eyebrow at his unusual question. "Of course I think we're right for each other Lucien."

"Then why do you care so much about what others think of us?"

I sigh and I think to myself that there was nothing unusual about his concerns since I am acting immature.

"It's just," I pause for a moment and silently thought about what I was going to give detail to. "These past few days I've done some thinking and thought that... that if I wasn't in the picture, at least if I deal with my battles alone, the risk of the ones I care about getting hurt is slim to nothing. You all deserve so much better than this Lucien. "

"And don't you think I deserve you?" he emphasises, "you gave me access to your heart and I gave you access to mine. Don't you trust that I can protect you?" he eyes me intently. I turn my head away from his gaze and got lost in deep thought. I wish he would just... agree and let me go, to see the situation from my viewpoint and understand why I have to leave.

"That's the thing Lu, I don't want you to protect me forever. I want to be able to stand on my own two feet and handle my problems on my own. I can't live like this Lucien," I cut him off, my face hung low.

His face twisted in the most ugliest ways I never thought his perfect face could've.

"Don't....Don't give up....please I'm begging you. Tell me what do you want me to do. Please baby I'd do anything. Just don't leave me," Lucien's eyes were fixated on our intertwined hands before his gaze shifted upwards, slowly, then our eyes met. For a moment, we just held each other's stare and I felt all my worries washing away.

The only thing I feared if I left was Lucien doing something insane to himself. My soul would've left my body and my heart would leap out of my mouth. As much as I didn't want to think about what I could do to hurt him, I had to put other's first in this situation above my own view.

After all, we are a team.

I slowly detach myself out of his arms and move towards the window. I didn't realise how cold the room felt, even in the afternoon time with all this sun. I wrap my arms around my body and stare out into the garden, deep in thought. "I just wish we could just run away start fresh, away from all this drama," I say honestly.

"Marry me," he announces from behind. I drop my hands to my side and did a full 360 degree spin.

"Jesus Lucien," my eyes shot up. Why now? Why in this moment? I've always dreamt of the day of my boyfriend proposing to me, I even fantasised into the future of what our wedding day would be like and us starting a family together; something more romantic and in a much non-stressing situation.

"Do you think this is a good time to ask such a serious question?"

He smiles with a hint of hope in his eyes. "I don't care if we're standing in the middle of the ocean, I want you to marry me. I mean it. I want to marry you and prove my worthiness to you."

I half chuckle, trying to make this make sense. "Why? W-W-Why are you saying this now?"

"Because I want to spend every second of the rest of my life with you. I can guarantee you that I'm the safest place in the world that you'll ever be in," he spoke with so much fear that I just wanted to run up and hug him, comfort him, love him. And I did just that.

I rest my palms on his chest as his hands make their way to rest on my waist, our eyes immediately meeting to the point of contact. My head lays against his chest and listens to his heart beat. I close my eyes to relish the moment.

I loved it. Being in his arms is always accompanied by warm feeling of belonging and a sense of firmness. It's a way that when I listen to his heart beats as a lullaby, I feel a rapid pounding in my own chest.

Of course, my heart beats are only for him, but that feeling of closeness is something otherworldly.

Everyday my thoughts oscillate between euphoric and neurotic; euphoric because I couldn't believe I have someone in my life to love me in a way I never knew someone could and vice versa; neurotic because... what if? There was always a point where I'd think "what if all of our hardwork in building each other would go to waste when we both have caught another's' attention.

"I'm scared. I'm scared for your life, everyone's lives. I'm scared for our future together knowing that people like Brad and Clarissa are out there pawning on us, waiting for us when we're most vulnerable to vanquish our innermost desires and to strip us from our happiness. I can't live like this knowing I'm the reason everyone is against you. Brad wants you gone and Clarissa wants me removed from your life," my lips quiver.

He cups my chin in his hand. "Then doesn't that give you the sense that we should stick together and fight these demons? They want to see us break but let's not give them that desire."

"I never doubt you Lucien, I never stopped trusting you and I never stopped loving you. I never knew love was so powerful until I realised what I felt for you."

"Then marry me princess. Be all mine as I will forever be all yours."

"We both are so complicated," I shake my head. "But we've made things work before. Why can't we now?"

***

If you're liking this story, don't forget to vote and leave a nice review! xoxo