I want to be an idle teen.

33.Wanting him

"I want him." He admitted, as he held the phone to his ear, still laying atop of Atsushi's, now, sleeping body.

"It's two in the morning." Chuuya grumbled out, half asleep.

"Chuuya, I want him. And I know you do too." The brunet spoke up, a tad bit more sober than before.

"And what do you want me to do about that?" The executive undoubtedly rolled his eyes, grumply.

"Tell me what to do. You deserve him more." The brunet said, as he leaned on his elbow and looked down upon the sleeping face, his eyes losing focus.

"I don't know what to do, but it's getting….hard to just be content with having him around." He said, again, his head spinning as he reached out with the hand he was leaning on, touching the boy's cheek.

"He's not a puppy or a kitten. " The redhead reminded over the line, his voice seemingly exhausted. "He's a person." And that made his touch stop for a second. "It's real simple, we sit him down and talk with him about it."

And say what, he wanted to ask.

Say that Chuuya, a man who has no control over himself, his ability, his drinking problem, a man who although caring, is also only caring about others, leaving himself to rot away, a man who drowns his troubles in Tobacco clouds and drowns that smell out with the smell of fermented grapes, fell for someone just because they showed him the slightest bit of vulnerabilit and trust?

Say that Dazai, a man as cold as ice, that was made numb by tbe anesthesia of his own mind, a man who drowns himself in the smell of whiskey for a sense of familiarity, man who when his closest friend died hasn't shed a single tear, has felt the first warmth of his life once pretty sunset eyes clashed with his own after he tried to kill himself? That he fell for someone because for the first time in his pathetic life, he couldn't feel angry at the person for trying to save the said mistake of a life?

Tell the little tiger that he felt something because of the caring touches, endearing eye rolls and soft words of comfort for the first time since he was born? That he craved the warmth, the presence, instead of the cold shadows of his home?

"He already cares about us. That much is clear." The redhead sighed through the phone, making him nod thoughtfully, even though his friend couldn't see it. "I just don't know to what extent. He might not like either of us in that way." And for Atsushi, that would be the best case scenario. There is no point in grabbing a broken platter and trying to fix it, you'll only cut yourself in the process, after all.

"And if that happens, I'll back off. And so will you." Of course, he wanted to say. Of course he'd back off. Hell, even without being outright rejected, even with the boy staring at his lips, he still pushed him away, for his own good. "We let him live his life and find someone." Someone deserving, he wanted to add, but kept his tongue behind his teeth.

"But…if he chooses one of us, we deal with that decision."

What if. What if, he thought, what if Atsushi chose him. What if the cute little tiger stared up at him with those caring little eyes, put those frail, thin fingers on his shoulder and kissed him shyly. Could he take that dose of electricity that ran through his veins each time he touched the little beast?

"I know you're thinking that you don't deserve him, but it's not about who deserves him, it's about who he actually wants." And he supposed that was right. Perhaps, the person playing with fire knew what they were doing. Knew that they could get burned. Maybe the burn helped them feel warmer in the cold.

Still. Chuuya…he also deserved more. Deserved happiness, deserved to not be the second best for once in his life.

Then, a thought struck him.