I want to be an idle teen.

40.Past

He felt….angry. angry at the actual sadness he felt as the situation settled in. At first, at the scene, when everything came crashing down, he hadn't realized it.

All the emotions just mixed. Unexplainable anger, a sort of undeniable numbness and even fear at even seeing the man, even as nothing but a corpse.

But in the car ride, and especially now, back at home, he realized that he felt….sad.

Sad that the man was gone. Sad that the person of his nightmares died.

And he didn't understand it. He hated it. The man abused him, hurt him, berated him for years and yet he…he was sad. He felt like crying.

And that was what angered him the most. Even though the man made his life a living hell, he still cared for the man.

And so, he begged.

"Just make me forget, if even for a second."

For the first time in his life, he asked for something. Asked the two men that were comforting him, wasting their valuable time on him already.

Begged for soft touches and distracting words. Begged to be beaten into rationality. Because there had to be something wrong with him, for him to care about the man who branded his skin with heated metal.

He was so fucked in the head. The guilt and the pain were dragging him down, and the image of the bashed in brains wouldn't leave his mind.

And he wondered, was this a punishment of sorts?

Just as his lips quivered, chapped ones covered them.

And he just indulged. Tried to forget it all and pour his anger into the kiss, even if unconsciously. He leaned back on the redhead, laid down, basically, on his chest, as he shoved his nails down into Dazai's shoulders and just broke apart.

Perhaps he was close to breaking ever since the day he got kicked out of the orphanage. Perhaps he was destined to explode, like fireworks, with each new pressure and weight of expectations put upon him, even ones he himself put in place.

Chuuya's hands trailed under his shirt, lingering on the scar that the man left, which made him sob into the kiss, touch burning his skin worse than the metal did.

And as Dazai pulled back, clearly concerned, he couldn't help the guilt that crawled up his back.

"Atsushi-kun. Are you sure you want to continue this?" The man asked, as he trailed his hand across the tiger's cheek, tenderly.

"I…I don't know." He admitted, as he felt Chuuya's hands pause, his expression one of unfiltered conflict on how to deal with the situation.

"How about…how about we head to your room and just cuddle." His boss proposed, as he leaned closer and kissed the tear that welled up in his eye again, making him shudder. "We can figure everything out from there." He promised, making him nod, as he began crying again, this time harder than before, not even knowing why .

He felt the man behind him grab him and make him gasp in surprise but still cling to the redhead as he got picked up, burying his face in the safety of Nakahara's shirt, feeling too exposed right now.

"If he thinks he escaped me by dying, he better think again." He growled, as he cradled the tiger closer, protectively. Atsushi could see Dazai's hand reach Chuuya and squeeze his shoulder in comfort, as he urged the redhead to just walk to the room. "I'll kick his ass as soon as we meet. Neither of us is getting into heaven, that much I'm sure of. I'll give him a new definition of hell." The redhead continued, as he kicked the living room's door open and trailed out, his pace as angry as Atsushi felt.