I want to be an idle teen.

57.Blame

"We fucked up." He heard the redhead mumble, as they sat there, inside of his office.

The chuckle that left him at the words was humourless.

Truly, that they did.

"Was it so wrong, for me to ensure he would be safe?" Osamu couldn't help but ask, as he leaned over on the desk, head a mess.

He never in his life, expected himself to be stunned. And yet, Atsushi's outburst left him wordless.

He couldn't even think of what to say to the boy that just ran out of his office during his little breakdown.

He was truly left speechless.

The perhaps most puzzling thing was that he wasn't… angry at the boy. Words like that from his employees, especially ones that weren't his dumbass of a friend, would end up in a punishment. Yet the only person that he wanted to punish right now was himself.

"Can I even blame him?" The brunet questioned again, swimming in his own thoughts as they began spiralling. On one hand, Atsushi was his employee and that was no way for an underling to speak to his boss.

On the other hand, Atsushi was his partner and he might've just witnessed their relationship fall apart because Osamu became overbearing, as usual.

"This is why I shouldn't have gotten with him. Every single thing I touch withers, Chibi." The mafioso chuckled, as he stood up from his chair and grabbed one of the bottles off of the shelf, face numb yet a storm of foreign feelings crawling under his skin.

He didn't understand them. He shouldn't be feeling regretful of the fact that he wanted to keep his partner protected.

"Are you fuckin' kidding me? I told him I'm his executive while he was screaming his lungs out at us." The redhead reminded, as he sat down, running a hand through his hair in anger. "We both fucked up."

And he supposed they did fuck up. Both of them.

That mixed in with the fact that he just let the tiger leave in such a state made him want to take the gun from his holster, shove it in his mouth and paint the wall red.

But the only thing he did shove down his throat was the liquor that he was seemingly inhaling from the bottle.

"Fuck." Chuuya growled, as he leaned back against the couch and stared at the ceiling.

"I'll drink to that." Osamu chuckled, as he too, headed back to his own seat and sat down, taking another long swing of his drink.

The line between obsession and care was always blurry to him.

When he cared about something, he would trap them if it meant keeping them safe.

When he cared about someone, he would go to lengths one should never, ever go to, to insure their safety.

If being locked up in a cell meant that they were protected from whatever chaos was going on outside, he'd cuff them and throw away the keys.

If he had to burn the world down, sacrifice anyone, anything to make sure that they were safe, he would.

Nobody but the person he cared about mattered to him.

It happened in the past with Oda, and it happened again now, with Atsushi.

And it will keep on happening, just getting worse and worse with each passing day.

Even now, he felt no remorse about his decision. He was only angry that it resulted in such an outburst and in the boy getting pissed with him.

Osamu wasn't good with this kind of thing, clearly.

"Why didn't you tell him that we are producing a pretty safe cure for the bullet?" The redhead questioned, as he bit his nail.

"I mean, would that matter to Atsushi?" He shot back, as he swirled the liquor around.

They just pushed Akutagawa to the bullet, and made decisions for Atsushi, who was working so hard on proving his worth to both others and himself, in turn making him feel worthless and as if his efforts were unappreciated.

Them telling him that they were already almost done with the reversible pill, would make the boy even more livid due to the fact that they planned so far ahead.

"I hate this." Chuuya mumbled under his breath as he averted his gaze and crossed his arms.

He did too.

"Are you sure he'll be fine outside all alone like this?" His old friend asked, which left him to wonder so himself. Atsushi clearly wasn't like him, so he would be rather safe, even whilst in such a bad mental state.

Still, they lived in a dangerous world. Perhaps Chihiro's already intense interest in his partner would pose a threat to the tiger, but trying to order him around and keep him inside of the building would only make Atsushi more mad and even less amused by their overprotectiveness.

And he would rather not have even more of the tiger's anger pointed at him.

"Where is Ryūnosuke?" He asked, as the liquor began burning down in the pit of his stomach, witnessing Chuuya turn his head slowly at the first name basis. Dazai had this thing, where he'd use Akutagawa's first name only once fully angered by his foolish behaviour. The last time it happened, Dazai was sixteen and he almost sent the boy to an early grave, because he walked in on one of Dazai's punishments from Mori himself.

And now, as he stared at the bottle, he couldn't help but feel as if all of this was Akutagawa's fault. He knew that it was his, but if Ryūnosuke kept his mouth shut…if he didn't run his tongue like a rabid disobedient dog, Atsushi wouldn't even find out.

"No. Fuck off, I'm not about to let you take it out on Akutagawa." Chuuya glared, making him blink.

"Take it out? He told Atsushi. He had no reason to. Yet he did. You heard the recording." Dazai stated, unamused by his friend's behaviour.

"Osamu, shut up for a second and listen to yourself." The redhead growled, which made him sigh. "Akutagawa's at fault because he told Atsushi the truth?" It did sound quite ridiculous when Nakahara said it like that.

"Are you trying to play a game with those two like Mori did with us?" The mere mention of that ugly fucker made him grip the bottle until it fell from his hand and shattered, the neck of the bottle remaining shattered inside of his palm.

The games Mori played with Chuuya and him were different. He saw that two pawns were getting closer and decided to keep Osamu isolated, because Osamu was his most precious prize, his worst nightmare and worst enemy that he thought he could keep contained by tying a leash around Osamu's throat and keeping him by his leg, isolated from the rest.

Too bad for Mori that he took that leash, and hung Mori with it in the end.

And Chuuya, his dearest friend, had the nerve to compare his anger and his emotions to the ones of Mori.

Quite the twist of the knife already deeply rooted inside of his stomach.

"Am I, now?" He smiled, as he crushed the glass to dust inside of his bleeding hand, his eyes cold and empty, as he stared off into the distance.

Perhaps his emotional inability could also be blamed on Mori, partially. He was born odd, of course. But he was also shaped by the man since the ripe age of fourteen. Moulded into the perfect machine that he was today, in all his fucked up glory.

And he could never have managed to get as emotionless as he was, if he didn't have such a good influence over him.

"I'm sorry." Chuuya sighed, as he bowed his head again, and this time, for the first time in a while now, his words were genuine.

Perhaps Dazai should take a moment to calm down, before he constructed a careful plan over how he should fix the mess that he created.

-RAN:Dazai's emotional state is that of a toddler finding a cute rock and deciding to keep it in his hand for hours lmfao but instead of a rock its Atsushi and instead of a few hours it eternity. He needs to work thru that QUICK