Experimental Philosophical Psychology .

Unit XXII : Positivity .

Can you believe it ? It took me quite literally 19 Units to get here. To get from negative to positive. I am kind of impressed and proud, that I have finally exited that stage.

Am I now just positive? On the other hand, am I negative and I learned to accept it? Acceptance is a form of positivity, so to answer your question, it's a bit of both honestly, I learned to tame the flame burning me from the inside, And now I'm finally admitting it, I'm actually happy, I'm grateful for what I have. Perhaps I have more self-control. I don't feel the need to redirect my hate towards anybody or anything, but I realized I could use this to my advantage, by accepting it, quite literally defeating it in it's own game, it took some time, but I haven't mastered it yet.

Yet what I mean is that I stopped trying to separate it from me, I just accepted it as a part of me, guess what, the flame burned out.

However it's still to consider the flame to maybe lit up some time after this, and I'm fully prepared to endure this hellish nightmare back from the start. Wait a second; was I being confident just now? Hell yes I was and I am, why am I not any better? I'm actually confident, and happy and even proud all at once? Is this a blessing or the silence before the storm, I've actually succeeded, in finding happiness, I said a long time ago: "It takes a long time for a man to actually see how miserable he is, and it takes him even longer to realize it doesn't have to be way". And surprisingly enough, I was right.

But I did give up on trying to blow out the flames, so I just let them be, I gave up on them, and let them be a part of me, I actually realized that my life doesn't have to be rejecting everything that seems harmful, after all it's in the human nature, self-destruction is a part of our instincts.

And now I understand that a teenager is a kid trapped in an adults body, or an adult trapped in a kids body, personally I see myself as an incomplete adult, yes I can be a little goofy sometimes, but it's kinda my way of expressing my happiness.

Honestly if you've read this far into my book I want to thank you a lot, as I take an unmeasurable amount of pleasure writing this, and it's even better when I see people reading it. I don't whether people like it or not, I like it a lot. As it's technically just a description of my emotional states at different times and my opinions at different times. You do not have to agree with me.

I feel like I've been released from the shackles of my mind, but I guess letting go hurts less than holding on, well yeah.

I feel like I'm just about to start my journey outside my eggshell, the thing is, there is no eggshell, until you get out of it, you won't lose your incense until you know you've lost it. The protective bubbles that parents put their child through desperately trying to blind him from reality, I had the immense luck to wake up before my bubble popped, I had a glimpse of reality, and boy was I scared, no that's not it, so many confusing emotions. Although some parents put a bubble too thick, or a bubble too thin, but once the bubble is popped, you cannot unsee or unlearn things you know.

It's exactly like the difference between:

"when daddy bird loves mommy birds so much, mommy makes an egg and in that egg was you" and "The male homosapience slides his urethra inside the female partner uterus and so starts the human binary reproduction process ect..." I'm trying not to get into details.

Literally the way you look at your parents change, you for real go "You guys did this? I'm the result of this shit?" Fucking hilarious, but that happened a long time ago, that stupid sexistential crisis (Sexual-Existential), I mean this is supposed to be family friendly, actually after reading the couple first units you can forget what I just said.

But that's the point I'm trying to make, when the bubble pops, everything is clear, no censors no daddy bird nothing, but again even though this is supposed to talk about the way I feel. I'm not quite ready to talk about myself sexually although, I don't feel comfortable, as some specific individuals I don't want them to know about it. By the way don't be stupid I'm not talking about my sexual orientation, I'm straight if you really want to know, but some of you will come to me saying this has nothing to do with positivity, well I feel so happy I'm talking about my life this particular way.

But yeah, we can say I was well prepared for reality, I held on tight for what I thought was right and it worked out pretty nicely for me.

Whoa ! Almost three pages, it's the first time I wrote this much, well I'm pretty happy what can I say.

I really feel me and my emotions became one, I was always trying to reject them, but accepting them was my way to happiness, how foolish can I be?

I finally remember what happiness feels like, it's so great.

I'll be leaving now, one last good note before my exit.

Man I love everyone.

And myself too.