Experimental Philosophical Psychology .

Unit XXIII : Gruesome Discussion

Honestly I was planning to talk about my suicidal attempts and how foolish I was, but I think that's not a good way to start the second Unit after the "Positive" Unit don't you think?

Dude fuck it, I think some people deserve to know the mistakes they've done including me.

Yeah I don't think that was a good idea, but honestly, I feel guilty for that, it felt unbearable, like torture, and so I also tried afflicting self-harm, unfortunately they found out, my parents. And honestly they made things so much worst, it lead me to the other suicidal attempts, but I hesitated, like maybe things could get better, maybe the torture will end.

'How did they make it worst? They called me selfish, weak and a coward, both of them, I still have it in for them, I just can't forgive them, I was vulnerable and I expected help, but they pushed me even deeper, in the seas of hopelessness and desperation.

Look don't take it the wrong way, I love them more than anything, but I simply can't push myself to forgive them, especially after actually resisting and finding peace of mind.

I just can't forgive them, I'm really sorry, I just can't bring myself to do it.

But like I said my love remains so very powerful towards them no matter what, but again, it's something I can't forget or forgive. I know they were just sharing piece of mind and giving their opinion. But really I'm glad they were honest, maybe a little too brutally honest, but I'm glad they did, as now I'm stronger, and I've quote on quote proven them wrong.

Then, boom, new skill acquired, trust issues...

Yeah I felt betrayed, like you had one job one fucking job, and you failed miserably at it, I think it was alright, it felt like hell listening those words come out of their mouths, it makes me just the same way as sad as angry, don't blame me, I took it personally.

Still this refusal of forgiveness didn't decrease my love for them, but definitely decreased my trust for them, and just to be specific, my mother didn't call me that much. My father on the other hand does it even today still, yeah. And when he read the first Units he asked me why I didn't talk to him about it, my trust is something, only one being on this planet has fully, and it's not my mom, my mom hasn't done it from then. but she hasn't fully recovered my trust, yeah believe it or not I don't trust my parents. I love them make no mistake.

But I can't imagine how it would feel like to be betrayed again.

But dad if you really want an answer, it's right here, I'm scared of being hurt again, I try to learn from my mistakes, an you have absolutely no idea how hard you made things for me, even a couple of words can have a huge impact.

Both of you made me feel worthless like a coward, like a selfish weak coward.

I was literally at my lowest of points, and you pushed me down even more, and so did mom.

But just don't expect me to take an apology, I can't forgive you.

And it's about time I talked about this subject, I didn't put much thought into this, I honestly just wrote the first words that came up in my mind.

Your acts have been forgotten but not forgiven.