Experimental Philosophical Psychology .

Unit XXXVIII : An Overthinking Overthinker .

You know, sometimes I feel like I have to live through all of that again, like I'm starting to see signs of things falling apart, of course, we both know I overthink a lot, and honestly. I don't know how to fix it or so something about it, I trust instincts, but seriously overthinking can drive you through tough places, you can go insane.

I've realized something recently, it's that long ago, I failed, and I was devastated, I had to endure all the blaming from others and myself included. and now, I put myself through low-expectations to never have to deal with failure ever again, and even with these low-expectations, I still mess up so badly, that I think to myself, either I'm doing it on purpose or I'm a fucking retard.

I've been wanting to say this, but I never really remembered in time, so you know I'm like a sensitive dude and all, and I've been thinking about the meaning of it, like what does sensitive really mean.

In my personal experience, being sensitive is like having enhanced emotional X-ray at the cost of having emotions way harder to control and keep in place, you're able to notice every micro detail in someone's expression, or in the way someone talks. No amount of acting can fool you, but that also means you can feel peoples judging gaze, or stare.

You feel judged with just a stare, you feel rejected, like no one wants of you, or people or constantly making fun of you, even though in reality they don't give a fuck.

I'm tired of living with these underdeveloped people, I know this sounds arrogant, and it is. But I mean look at the society we live in, a society where you can earn more money by posing in a string in front of a webcam, than getting out and actually working, providing several services to the country. But no, we live in an era where people just want easy money, some women reduce themselves to a sexual object, and then come pointing their fingers at all men. Their only excuse being misogyny.

It hurts me to see people bite into this.

And I can't take It with these high standards, as a man your expected to be perfect, I don't know, 6,3 foot tall 1;2 waist shoulder ratio, provides 6 figures chiseled chin and chest. Men are expected to be dominant and strong. Calm the fuck down, oh and the men are worst. 5'1 foot tall, small waist huge tits, thigh gap, woman are expected to be submissive and act like whores or pets with their partner. My point is, teens are expected to be perfect, we care too much about our surroundings, and this is where we fit in.

Then, there's the "I'm a strong and independent woman" type shit. Being independent is the definition of a normal human adult.

In addition, I'm just putting this out there, for anyone reading this, if you've read romance novels and erotic novels before. Have you ever compared a romance novel written by a woman and one written by a man? Well you will see how big the difference is. And yet I society, men are the ones after sex, but in romance novels, women write it like a rip-off hentai script, I don't think there's something wrong with that. but god you can't help but go "damn I wish I looked like the dude in the novel" And yes, this happens and makes people more Insecure than watching porn. Because it's on a higher level, but you should know that it's a fantasy, something unlikely to happen or impossible, so finding a dude that matches perfectly the description, is also a fantasy.

As a human being nowadays, you're expected from a lot, even emotions are judged, as a man you're expected to be strong, not emotional, dominant, whatever you get the point, and if you differ from these, you won't fit in, because you're different, and people don't like what's different. Like what if a man is soft, caring and gentle, he's a gentleman, yes. But no one wants that guy. I don't like saying this, because I'm referring to me.

And an honorable note after these unorganized shenanigans.

I'm scared I won't write like I used to, but as long as I get lonely and suicidal, I'm sure I'll write better than ever.