This is another attempt I'm taking to express my pain, this time in a bolder and humbler way.
I'm ashamed, I'm ashamed to be in pain, I shouldn't be in this much pain, I feel weak because of that but different people have different difficulties, and this is mine, everything feels unbearable, and I feel weak, and I don't like it, not a single bit.
In one of my units, I said "I hate waking up" and I still do, but now I hate being awake. My past is like a fog in my character.
But why do I have to suffer, I didn't ask to be born, I didn't ask anything from anybody, yet here I am suffering somewhere...
My life is amazing, I'm surrounded by people I love and that love me, then what's wrong with me? Am I unconsciously looking for attention?
I realized why I craved being wanted, being needed, it's because I wish to prove to people that I'm real, that I exist.
And there was so much left to say, I regret so much, I could've taken my chance and said that, and I should've shut my mouth and said this instead, it's horrible, I feel so incompetent, so powerless, it feels like I'm living of the kindness of the people around me.
Some might say, that I don't need to be accompanied or to even fit in society, you see fitting in is like a contract, people will help you in exchange you help them, and even with the help of my loved ones, and my friends, I'm still like this, I can't imagine myself without it.
This generation feeds off lust on end, and I hate it, I'm ashamed of being part of it, and I'm afraid of being contaminated.
The more I found myself, the more lost I found myself to be.
YOU ARE READING
Experimental Philosophical Psychology .
Poetry-Warning, this story contains a very vile and variable vocabulary, and a violent language, please do not take any offense to this content this is simply my opinion and my point of view, this story contains various suicide and self harm references...
