Experimental Philosophical Psychology .

Unit XXVI : Subconscious Instinctive Ideology .

I live my life, knowing I'm special, knowing I'm different. And the downside to this, is believing that you I am mentally superior than average, and after meeting hundreds of people my age and even older, I see that I'm superior, not in a bad way. just simply better, but I know darn well I'm not the best, but I'm pretty sad about it, it'll be so hard to find anyone that could actually even compete with me. The competitors are some of my closer friends, an older girl with less experience and trust issues, a hard working tunnel vision dude and of course a kind, innocent and naïve girl, that girl I'm talking about, is well you know who. But you know I see her as my little sister honestly, I thought I loved her as a partner, nut no, I think more of the imposing need to protect her, even if she belongs to another man. And she from now on does, of course I don't mean to give stalker vibes, but I did some researches on the guy, and I suppose he's good to go. (All these people will soon disappear out of my life)

I always had the idea of taking care of my body nor than my mental state, I regret it, because I'm better than this guy from all angles just the physical. So I thought maybe if I got skinnier or absolutely shredded, perhaps I'd be more appealing, and attractive, but I know for a fact, that I don't need to be beautiful to be happy. but it's a great addition, and then I realized maybe, she doesn't like him for his physic, but for him. perhaps he is kinder, or more generous than me, but certainly more responsible.

Then, it snapped, maybe I should work to be kinder, to be more generous, more responsible, nicer, and maybe than I'll actually deserve something for once.

But why do I even want to be more appealing, or more attractive? Do I feel lonely ? Hell yeah I do, my perspective of loneliness changes all the time, as it gets intense slowly, and honestly you can be surrounded by people, and still feel so horribly lonely.

Am I doing this to find company ? I mean I never thought I'd would want to hug or to be hugged so bad, but no, I don't suck for love, I'm not like that, but I get so lonely, It makes me feel empty on the inside.

The thing is I never knew if this was Unit was just a gig, but I called it that way because I'm not aware of this ideology, I thought if I lost weight I'd be the perfect man, and then I said if I lost weight and became nicer I'd be the perfect man, but why be perfect anyways?

Why I can't I just be happy?