When you smile

Chapter 20

Dev P.O.V.

Why can't I catch a break? Those dark clouds that haunted me in the past, they've found their way here too. Why? Why can't I just have a normal year? Why do I have to face him again, right here in this school? Everything was going amazing... but now, Do I have to run away again? Do I have to start everything from scratch? Do I have to leave Raj behind?

No, no, no... I can't. I can't do it anymore. Running away, hiding from him, from my fears, from those cruel people, from the judgmental gazes, from the whispers... I can't keep doing it. Why should I be the one running? I'm the one going to therapy, I'm the one who had to face those bullies... I'm the one whose face was...

I can't hold it in I release a shaky breath, and tears well up in my eyes. Mom senses my distress and swiftly pulls the car to the side of the road. She wraps her arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug, and I can't help but break down completely. The car fills with the sound of my sobs and hiccups. I bury my face in her shoulder, feeling her hair brush against my wet cheeks. Mom holds me tightly, as if I might disappear if she lets go. My fingers grip onto her back, seeking some sense of grounding, while her hand starts tracing gentle circles on my back.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm here, you're going to be okay," she whispers repeatedly in my ear, her voice soothing and comforting. Her fingers continue to trace patterns through my hair, providing a small measure of solace.

After what feels like an eternity, I start to calm down, pulling away slightly to settle back into the passenger seat. Mom lets out a sigh and hands me a water bottle.

"Wanna talk about it?" she asks in that comforting tone of hers, her voice barely above a whisper.

I'm paralyzed, unable to summon the strength to make a sound. But I can't repeat the same mistake I made before. I remember the pain it caused my mom when she discovered the truth, when she witnessed me crumbling under the weight of my struggles. She stood by me through it all, even when I pushed her away. I can't bear to see that anguish in her eyes again.

I stare into her eyes, searching for the right words to convey the turmoil inside me. My throat feels constricted, and I swallow hard, trying to gather my thoughts. It's a battlefield within me, a tangle of fear, shame, and uncertainty.

"I... I got a message from him this morning," I finally manage to say, my voice strained and vulnerable. "Not just today, but for a few days... and today, it all became too much. I couldn't hold it in anymore."

Mom's expression shifts to one of concern mixed with a simmering anger. "Why didn't you tell me earlier? I would have reported him to the police—"

I interrupt her, my voice trembling with a mixture of fear and determination. "Mom, no, please. We've talked about this. If we involve the police, Dad will find out."

She shakes her head, a blend of worry and defiance in her eyes. "I can handle him, but what if he comes after you again? What if he hurts you?"

My grip tightens on her hand, desperation and fear driving my words. "We reported him to the school and spoke to his mom. That should be enough... I don't know. I'm sorry, Mom, but I don't want to talk about it. I'm sorry."

I turn away, gazing out of the car window, my mind overwhelmed with the memories and the uncertainty of what lies ahead. The road stretches before me, a path filled with shadows and hidden dangers. I can't find the strength to face it all, to confront the nightmares that haunt me.

We come to a stop, and I retreat to the solitude of my room. It's my sanctuary, but today it feels like a prison. I collapse onto my bed, my body weary and drained. The room seems to close in around me, its walls closing like a vise. It's suffocating, suffusing the air with a palpable heaviness.