When you smile

Chapter 27

Every fiber of my being quivers as the memories of that fateful day surge within, buried deep in the recesses of my heart. They're memories I dare not utter, haunting specters that might forever dwell in the shadows of my existence. How did I find myself ensnared in this torment? What had I done to warrant such suffering? That day marked a turning point, hurling me into darkness and ensnaring me in the clutches of demons that compel me to relive it over and over.

"I tried to put distance between us, even resorting to skipping school as much as I could. My mother sensed my distress, but she didn't pry too much. She asked if everything was alright, but what could I say? I felt guilty for lying, as she'd always understood me, even in silence, much like you do.

I struggled to meet school attendance requirements, weaving elaborate excuses during sleepless nights, dreading each day that brought another encounter with him.

And then arrived the farewell bash for the twelfth-grade students, a day of farewells that swiftly morphed into a wild medley of music and revelry as soon as the teachers exited. The air buzzed with a blend of euphoria and nostalgia, goodbyes masked by boisterous tunes and spirited merrymaking. Amidst the animated throng, I let myself loosen up, a rare occurrence. They coaxed me into singing, and as the melodies wrapped around me, they became a sanctuary. For those fleeting moments, I forgot the ache, transporting myself to an alternate reality where fears evaporated and I could be anyone I wanted. Music emancipated me from dread, and gifted me a semblance of mastery. In that realm, life felt flawless, and concord filled my soul.

Yet, when the music receded, reality crashed back with an unrelenting force. I opened my eyes to find him kneeling before me, a rose in his hand. My world came to a standstill. He... he asked me to be his boyfriend.

Stunned, terror clutched at me, my consciousness dominated by the weight of his intent. My stomach writhed, as if acid was creeping from my belly to my throat. A queasy sensation consumed me, and my head spun, my legs betraying me by turning to jelly. I yearned to push him away, to escape, or even to simply vanish. The collective gaze of those watching bore into my exposed soul, stripping away my defenses.

He repeated his plea, and with a voice that barely quivered, I eked out a shaky "no." He stood there, jaw clenched, eyes glistening with an unsettling intensity. Panic swelled within me, and I instinctively took a step back. His gaze bore into me, and then, to my astonishment, he turned and walked away without a word. Overwhelmed, I dashed into the nearest bathroom, desperately seeking refuge. My body convulsed, and I retched, as if acid was surging up my throat. Every muscle tensed, my limbs feeling as heavy as lead. My entire being revolted against me. I attempted to steady my breath, but every inhalation felt like a battle, as though my heart was intent on breaking free from my chest.

Eventually, my legs gave way, and I crumbled to the floor, leaning against the cold tiles. My trembling legs splayed, a testament to the anxiety that had held me captive for the past two years, ever since he had revealed the horrors his father inflicted.

The bathroom door swung open, shattering the quiet cocoon that enveloped the confined space. Footsteps reverberated, growing louder and more distinct by the second." My muscles seizes, heart hammering within my ribs, a sense of impending doom tightening its grip. The memories surges, threatening to consume me once more. I struggle to inhale, my voice a mere whisper as I gasp for air.

Sensing my shaken breaths, Raj draws near, his touch a tender balm as his hands trace calming circles on my back. His caress sends tremors through my soul, a soothing reassurance that transcends mere words. Soft kisses land atop my head, his breath a warm embrace against my skin, a gentle touch that dissolves the grip of tension ensnaring me.

Silence envelops us, a refuge found within the contours of each other's presence. Slowly, my breathing finds its rhythm, and I reach out, my trembling fingers seeking Raj's hand, desperate for an anchor. His hand nestles in mine, a quiet vow that I'm not traversing this vulnerable precipice alone.