The Hate

" MRS SHUKLA "

SIDHARTH

Picking up shehnaaz hair tie I pull it over my wrist and wrap her dupatta covering me feeling a little chilly I move to the kitchen finding my beautiful wife cooking lunch for us I wrap my hands around her waist hugging her she giggled mixing the butter chicken curry , I nuzzled my nose into her neck listening to her as she spoke about going on vacation.

" Sidharth where do you want to go? "

" Hmm abroad or somewhere here?? "

" I was thinking about kulu manali, what do you think?? "

" Sure anywhere you want to go I will be right there baby "

She pushed me chuckling serving me some food, I had taken leave today to spend some time with shehnaaz because I was starting to work for a new project which is a complete surprise to shehnaaz when she finds out about it.

" Sidharth let's say if I was still you're best friend or friend will you marry me?? "

" Over any woman in the world I would still choose you to be my wife "

I say looking at her, blush crept on her cheek she giggles covering her face which made me laugh as this was something new for me, seeing shehnaaz blushing.

" Ok! Would you have chosen to date me before the wedding or do you like whatever happened?? "

" Hmm the situation we were in I could never imagine of dating you and the wedding also was unexpected  and I would rather marry you than dating you because the time we spent together before the wedding was our dating period which wasn't in our notice at all "

" Well said Mr shukla "

" Thank you Mrs shukla "

I woke up panting for breath looking around our dark room checking for shehnaaz who was sleeping next to me , finding the other side of our bed empty I panicked , I was quick enough to move inside the bathroom and the walking closet to find it empty as I feel my dream was coming true. I dreamt about shehnaaz leaving me forever for someone else who is better than me, who could keep her happy, who would love her unconditionally, who never bullied her or scared her from thing's she was terrified off and a man who is brave enough to admit that he wants her more than just a partner of convenience  to forever.

I look inside the spare rooms, guestrooms, the dining room, kitchen, living room and everywhere in the house even Charlie was here sleeping on his bed, I thought of asking meena tayii our helper but today shehnaaz had given the helpers an off, I called her to find her phone switched off, I felt pain shooting up near the left side of my chest, I could feel the anxiety kicking in I took deep breath feeling a lack of oxygen as my throat covered up feeling suffocated the sweat trickle down my forehead I could taste the salty tears on my lips as I lick it, losing my balance I crash down near the couch hitting my knees on the ground covering my ears I could hear voices in my dream scream " Shehnaaz doesn't want you " And " Shehnaaz doesn't love you ", I sobbed covering my ears as shehnaaz left me for someone else , I rest my head over the wall crying and screaming for the voices to stop.

" Sidharth are you ok?? What happened?? "

I could hear someone scream and panicked next to me , feeling a hand on my shoulder I look up through my moist blurry eyes to find shehnaaz looking at me horrified I couldn't believe my own eyes that she was here, I rub my eyes to see if she was here. She kneeled in front of me hugging me tight rubbing my back calming me down mumbling things like " Jaan kya hua?? ", " I'm here baacha don't cry ", " Bolo naa sidharth kya hua?? ", " I'm here jaan I'm here ", I listened to her and tried believing she is right here next to me I hugged her back placing my head under her neck as she rubs my back mumbling sweet nothing's into my ears I could feel that I was calming down listening to her words , my body relaxed as I feel her touch melting into her arms I sigh holding her close to me.

" Will you tell me what just happened few minutes back?? "

She passed me a glass of water sitting next to me holding my hand scared I could look at her clearly now she looked eternal as ever in her denim skirt and lether jacket as she was  dressed same as she would to school or during family vacation, I look into her eyes to find sadness crept in them and lips in a thin line.

" Kya hua sidharth ?? You are lost somewhere?? "

" I'm lost looking at you "

" Well if this was other time I would flirt back with you but not now will you please tell me, what was that ??you scared me jaan "

" Did you just call me jaan ?? "

" Stop avoiding the question sidharth, now tell me kya hua?? "

" Where did you go? When I was sleeping?? "

" I went to get some make up and nail paints now will you answer?? "

" Oh wow!! Show me... "

" Sidharth bologe yah phir mein aapne tarike sa tumhara muh khul wahu "

" Try karo?? "

" Sidharth tujhe meri kasam bologa  yah phir mein... "

" Acha baba fine, but you will be ashamed of me "

" Bullshit there is nothing to be ashamed of you , I will proudly say you are my husband and my man nobody can stop me from doing
so "

" Really?? "

" Haa I'm not ashamed or afraid of anyone, ab bologe kya hua ?? "

" Well I have separation anxiety "

I said looking at her she just started at me waiting for me to continue.

" It started when I was kid maybe around 2nd grade after the incident at my uncles house I was fine but his brutal words of people leaving me left me haunted the first attack I faced was when mom left me for few days as she had to go for a vacation thinking she left me forever and my uncle's words came true , later I thought something will happen to her, or my dad would disown me as I said no for handling our family business, than the reason I broke my friendship with you was I thought you would leave me, and you're friendship with arjun effected me the most I thought he was replacing me and I couldn't ignore the fact that you looked so pretty and gorgeous that other boys would steal you away  from me and... "

" And?? Than what?? "

" I pushed you away because you were effecting me, I thought it you would hate me everything would be fine and good, and it was working everything was going according to my plans our school ended we had to move to college that's we're things went South. "