Lieutenant and SSA (Emily Prentiss x Reader)

6. Worse is not knowing

Emily pov

I don't even think I moved more than necessary to get onto the jet. Or more, as JJ lead me onto the Jet.

But I'm no longer crying. I barely feel as though I have anything left. And it hurts. It hurts so much to not know. Not know weather she's alive or not. I need to know.

But there's no news. Nothing. Not a call. Not a military update that Garcia keeps check on. Nothing. I don't even care anymore that my marriage isn't a secret. Because I might not even have an alive marriage anymore.

Widow

Is the word echoing across my mind. Even with how much I try to shut it out.

I think I feel asleep from exhaustion as soon as we lifted, because all of a sudden I'm not in the air anymore. But in our old living room. In our old apartment, the one in Georgetown.

"I can't believe you're making me do this." Y/n's laugh echoes through the apartment and fills up my entire body.

"Come on, I promise it'll be good." I say as she sits down on the couch next to me with a bowl of popcorn in her lap.

"You can't promise that, you haven't even seen it yourself." She says, turning to look at me and I laugh.

"It's a movie Y/n, you're acting as if it were a new political debate to watch." I say and this time it's her to laugh. Comfort washing over me. "Please."

Her gaze flickers between my eyes and my lips, and even I am on the verge of giving up my idea of date night. "Im sitting here, aren't I?"

"You're going to love it." I start the movie before snuggling up beside her. One of her arms wrapped around me to hold me close.

"The books are always better."

"I know, but give it a chance." Instead of saying anything else, she presses a palm of popcorn into my mouth to stop me from talking. I chew with a smile as I look up at her, admiration filling my eyes.

And even though she didn't want to, she both kisses my stuffed mouth, and watches the first Harry Potter movie with me.

"Emily?" A soft female voice awakens me from the comfort I had found in that dream. It takes a few seconds for me to realise that I'm
Not actually back in our old apartment, wrapped up in her arms. But on the jet, on our way home because... because there is no information of if Y/n is okay, or even alive.

I open my eyes to meet JJ's gaze opposite of me. She's giving me a soft but sad smile. But I can see the question she wants to ask. I don't blame her. But I also know that she won't ask it. Not now.

"I was scared." I answer before I can think, my voice hoarse from the crying. God, how embarrassing. But JJ looks questioning at me, so I sit up straight but still leaning back. "I was scared, that's why I didn't tell you about Y/n. Why I didn't tell any of you."

Her gaze softens. "Why we're you scared? We wouldn't have looked at you any different."

How can I explain this. I could barely explain it to Y/n when she asked the exact same question. "I guess because when everyone knows, it gets real. And with her gone, I didn't want it to be real."