Lieutenant and SSA (Emily Prentiss x Reader)

013.Deployment

Emily pov - August 28th, 2000

I hadn't exactly expected a happily jumping greeting as i stepped inside the apartment, as she's not the type, but not nothing. But that's what sounds as I close the door behind me. Complete silence in the whole apartment.

Y/n was supposed to be home by now, was supposed to be home two hours before me. But the apartment is empty before me.

"Y/n?" I call out. Maybe she came home exhausted and went to bed. But the bedroom is also empty. As I come up to the kitchen table I put my bag down on to, to see a piece of paper with a bit of scribble on it.

'Em, I'm out on the roof if I'm not back when you come home. Love, Y/n'

What the hell is she doing on the roof? She hasn't been up there for months. It was her breathing spot, where she'd spend time just taking a deep breath and letting life pass her by. When things where getting too much.

But she hasn't needed to go up there, because everything in our lives have been near perfect ever since our vacation to Sweden last summer.

My heart thunders just a little extra fast as I walk out the door again, heading up the stairs to the roof.

And as I come out, I find her sitting on one of the chairs, knees pulled up under her chin as she looks out over the bustling town.

As I come up next to her, she looks up at me. "Hi."

"Hi." I say as I sit down next to her, taking her hand in mine. "Wanna tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothings wrong." She looks at me as she lets out a small laugh. "What makes you think it is?" I look around to where we are, and she understands. "Oh, right."

"Sooo.... Wanna tell me?" I ask again, but she just pulls back her hand. "Y/n?"

"I just don't want to disappoint you." Her voice breaks at the words as she refuses to look at me. But I know the tears threatening to flow from her eyes. Because we both have our insecurities, mine being mostly physical, while I've learned hers are more psychological.

I take back her hand in mine to get her to look at me. "What are you talking about?"

"The wedding, we're gonna have to postpone." Now I see the letter in her other hand, like she's read it a thousand times. Something inside her tearing her in two different ways.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm getting deployed, next week." I see it now. Her love for the military and for me are the same. That's what's tearing inside her. Because as much as she wants to stay and marry me, she wants to leave.

"For how long?" I ask, not a singe concern in my body.

"Six months." This would be the first deployment under our whole relationship. Under the four years we've been together there's only been assignments, on both sides. No deployment for her, and no undercover cases for me. Until now, for the both of us.

"Honey, that's fine. We'll do it when you get home." She looks up at me again, and my heart breaks at the thoughts I see in her eyes. Those who'd gone through her head. "I will be here when you get back."

"But..."

"No but. I love you, and I know you love me. But you also love your team, and everything about the air force. And I would never want you to give it up for me." Because I know how much it means to her, how that life saved her from feeling lonely. They're her family.

She smiles as a tear falls down her cheek. "What did I..."

"Don't even try." I cut her off with a smile of my own, draping a arm over her shoulders to pull her into myself. "We deserve each other."

"Can't we just elope or something, go to city hall?" And I laugh at her words as she looks up at me. "I just want to marry you."

"Look, no matter how much I want to marry you. I wanna do it properly." I hold her closer. "When you get back, we'll get married."

"Promise?" She holds out her pinky, and I can't help that small laugh from coming out of my throat.

"I promise."

**next week**

Through all the worries and continued insecurities from Y/n, I had continued to only show support. Because that's all I could, all I wanted. Just like she's done for me all this time.

And she's showed just how much she wants to marry me, not just by words but my action, touches, time. Well, all the time we both had over this past week.

But even though I want her to go, to be happy. Letting go of her hand on that airstrip was one of the hardest thing I've ever done.

That was until I got back home, and walked into an empty apartment. And I don't know how I'll be able to do this again, because I know it'll come again. But no matter how selfish it is of me to want her to stay here, with me, I can't take away the one thing she's always had.

Because I know that if I'd ask her, she would do it. Even if it'd break her heart.

But for now, and for the next six months, I'll focus on my job instead, the new assignment is a lot larger than they'd first let on. And when, WHEN, she gets back. I'm going to marry her, gown and all.