Queen Of Hell || Dean Winchester

44. No soul

I looked at Gabriel's body, knowing, that I couldn't do
anything to save him. I couldn't bring him back and I couldn't bring back Cass either.
Slowly, I walked around until I saw another familiar face. The red hair was uniquely.
"Rowena?" I asked quietly. She threw me a sad smile. "Hello, Dear. I'm glad you're okay. Where is he? Where is Lucifer?"
"He's dead. I killed him. He... he killed Gabriel and
Crowley." She nodded slightly.
"I know. It's horrible. Luckily I could escape right in time." She walked closer and pulled me into a hug.
"So, you have your powers back?" She nodded again. "Yes. But only because I was in purgatory too."
"You were? Why?" I had no idea what happened to her. "Well, it's complicated. Let's just say a spell of mine didn't work out as expected."
I sat down on the throne and looked at my hands.
"Is there any way to reverse this, to banish all monsters back to purgatory?"
She shook her head. "I don't know a way yet, but I will search for one."
I stared at the ground. "Can you take it from me?"
"What, Dear?"
"The pain. I'm so tired of it."
She sighed. "You don't want this, trust me."
"I do. So, please, help me. I'm begging you, take it from me." She walked towards me and put her hands on my head. "As you wish, but I warned you."
Immediately, the pain stopped. All the weight had been gone. Finally, I felt free. I exhaled in relief. "Thank you." Then, I returned to our house.

Dean was already waiting impatiently.
"How was it?" he asked.
"Well, chaotic. And no, I didn't find a way against the monsters."
He kissed me on the head. I know that I should feel love in this moment, but there was nothing. Only emptiness. "You know, many things happened down there. Crowley died and... I learned that Castiel was dead the whole time, it was Lucifer who took his body as a vessel. And Gabriel died too," I said without any emotion.
"Oh my god, Baby, I...."
"It's okay. Lucifer can't harm anyone anymore. I killed him."
"You killed Lucifer? Alone?" He was totally confused. "Yeah, I did. I was angry and it was like an automatic
response."
He hugged me. "I'm really proud of you, and I'm so sorry for your losses."
"You lost them too. I mean Castiel was also your best friend. You must be feeling so bad."
He looked in my eyes. "I do. But we can handle it
together."
I shook my head and sat down on the bed.
"There are monsters outside which need to die. I won't sit here, crying. I'll fight them."
"You should take a break; you just lost your closest friends. Why are you acting like that? Why aren't you
crying?"
"Because crying makes you weak. I decided not to cry
anymore. Never again. You have to deal with that."
I stood up and took my jacket.
"Sara, where are you going?"
"Killing monsters."
With this words, I left the house.
This time, he didn't follow me.

I walked around a bit until I found a werewolf. With an evil smile, I took out my knife and ran towards him.
The fight was short. I killed him with one move. He didn't even have the time to fight back. After a few more kills, I wiped my knife on my jacket and headed back home.
When I entered, I heard voices and hid myself behind a wall. "So, what is wrong with her Jack?" Dean asked concerned.
"I think she lost her soul."
"Her soul? Really?" Dean sounded really confused.
"Yes. I guess the pain was too much for her."
"Can you give it back to her?"
Jack thought about it for a moment. "Yes, that would be possible but only if she really wanted it."
Quickly, I walked to them. "But I don't."
Dean's face was shocked. "You have to fight. You can't just run away from the pain."
"Yes, I can."
"No, you can't. You don't feel anything. You don't feel pain, or guilt, or... love."
"Yes, that's true. I know that I love you but I don't feel it anymore. And I don't feel guilty for kissing Gabriel."
Dean raised his eyebrow. "You... kissed him?"
"I did." He rolled his eyes and pressed his lips on mine.

"You can't tell me that you feel absolutely nothing."
"But this is the truth." He kissed me again.
"Accept your feelings. I know that you feel something."
"I don't."
He kissed me one more time, this time very passionately. And indeed, I felt something. It was like a spark who ran through my whole body. I pulled his head to mine and kissed him again.
Now, everything was back. I smiled but then the sadness overcame me again.
"I'm sorry. I just wanted it to stop. And I'm sorry for
kissing Gabriel. You know, I love you. It wasn't fair but I couldn't really think in this moment. And I'm sorry for..." He held me tightly and stroked through my hair.
"Stop apologizing. I understand. We will get through all this." I nodded smiling and added, "Together."