Queen Of Hell || Dean Winchester

29. Truth

"Hey, Cass. How are you?" I said in my cell phone. "Good. It's difficult, but I have finally found a job." "Wow, that's great. And what about your powers? Will you get 'em back?"
"Yes, I think so. Gabriel helps me."
I smiled. "That's good. I miss you."
"I miss you too." Then he hung up.

"Was that Cass?" Dean asked with raised eyebrows.
I nodded. "When did he lose his powers?" I looked at him seriously, knowing that I couldn't keep the secret from him any longer.
"As you know Cass and I were in heaven so he could get all his powers back. But the angels said that he would only get them if he... killed me." Dean looked at me,
startled. "What? Why would they say something like that?" I took a deep breath. "Because I'm the Queen of Hell."
Dean was standing there, frozen, as if someone had just turned his bones into stone. His face was expressionless and he just stared at me.

"Believe me, lying to you was one of the hardest things I've ever done but there wasn't another way." I couldn't read anything in his eyes. He shook his head and walked out of the room, leaving me behind. I followed him.
"I couldn't have saved you without that deal. I had to do it. I would do everything for you." He stopped, turning around to look at me. Now, I could see the pain in his eyes.
"Don't tell me, that you sacrificed yourself, because you love me! I am not worth that. I never was," he yelled. "That's not true. There are people who would sacrifice everything for you and one of them is me." He looked deep into my eyes. "But I don't want that. Because of me, your life is destroyed." I shook my head.
"No, it's not. Believe me, it's not that bad." He sighed, "Not so bad. You talk about the place where I was
tortured. Sometimes, you are so stubborn. It will change you, don't you understand? It will make you a bad person." I looked at him, totally stunned. "You don't mean that!" My voice trembled more and more with every word. "Yes, I do." I felt as if my heart was being ripped out. A tear was streaming down my cheek. He couldn't be serious! "How can you say this. After everything we went through! After everything I've done for you! How can you just throw it away like it means nothing?" I tried to sound angry but all I was doing was crying more.
"This relationship, it meant everything to me. Everything. But you lied, Sara! You told me that you will never work with Crowley but you did!" he shouted at me. I didn't know what to do. "Please don't yell at me." I whispered, looking down on the floor.
"No, don't you dare to tell me what to do! You are the one who broke the rules, Sara. You are the one who has broken our deal." I could see that he was so hurt, but he was trying to hide it.
"So, that's it? You just break up with me."
"I'm not sure. I need time to process everything." I nodded my head and turned around, unable to continue looking at him. Even if I didn't like it, he was right. I betrayed him and I would never be able to take that back.

***
When I came to the library, the boys were sitting at the
table. "Hey Sara" Sam called. "We got a case. Starting in 30 minutes."
I sighed softly. "I won't come with you."
Dean rolled his eyes. "Oh right, she's too busy. She has to rule this damn hell. The hell, where I was tortured for 30 years!"
Sam looked confused. I told him about the deal but not about Dean's and my fight.
"Dean, I can make it a better place. I won't allow people to be tortured ever again. And I will make sure that the demons don't attack us or anyone. This is a good thing," I tried to explain, but I could see that he wasn't convinced.
"Whatever." He shrugged and stood up. "Just leave us alone and go to your new family."
"I don't want to go to hell today. You said, you need time and I'll give you time."
Sam put a hand on my shoulder. "It's okay. You don't have to come with us. Just call me, if you need to talk." "Thanks," I mumbled and threw him a quick smile.

***
When they had finished packing, I asked cautiously, "Can you give me a ride? I want to visit Cass."
To my astonishment, Dean nodded. What was I thinking when I lied to him? I shouldn't have listened to Crowley and just told him the truth. He didn't deserve that and I didn't deserve him.


An hour later, I entered the gas station where Castiel was working. As he saw me, his eyes widened. "Hey, Cass." He smiled broadly. "Hello, Sara. It's good to see you."
I smiled back and handed him a small, luminous vial. "Your Grace. I owe you that."
"How did you get it?" he asked curiously.
"I talked to Naomi and assured her that in return, the
demons would leave her alone for the rest of her life."
He hugged me. "Thank you."
All of a sudden, a woman was standing next to him. "Hey Steve. Who's that?" I grinned at her as he replied, "This is Sara. A friend." He must have enjoyed being human. "Goodbye Maya. Yesterday was... very interesting." She winked at him. After she left the station, Cass opened the vial and the grace went inside his mouth. He was immediately surrounded by a bright light. I was amazed when I saw his wings. That was so cool. I've never seen them
before. He touched my shoulder to teleport us in the
bunker. "So, Maya? "I teased him.
"Yes, she was nice." I laughed and gave him a playful punch. "I'm happy for you, Cass." Then I told him about the fight of Dean and me.
"He will forgive you. It takes time, but he will."
"I don't know. Maybe it's better if he won't. I mean, I broke our deal, our trust."
"Don't say that. It was a one-time thing. And you regret it, right?" I nodded.
"Absolutely. More than anything else."
Sighing, I took two pieces of paper in my hand.
"What are you doing?" he wanted to know.
"I'm going to Ellen and Jo's for a while. I need time to
figure things out." He put his hand on my shoulder and said "Everything will be fine again," before disappearing.
I reached for a pen and started to write:

Dear Sam,
I'm with Ellen and Jo. Thank you for supporting me,
despite my lie. It means a lot to me.
See you soon, Sara.

Hey Dean,
I don't know if you will even read this letter
or throw it away immediately, but if you are reading this, I want you to know that you are right about everything you said. I'm sorry that I lied, but I'm not sorry that I made the deal. It was the only way to save you.
I don't want you to forgive me, I just want you to
understand why I did what I did.
Sara